I met with my GP yesterday... She cojoled, we argued. She scolded, I laughed. She admonished, I said ENOUGH!
We are running some of the basic tests but I have declined some of the more detailed tests she wanted to run. I declined going back to my Oncology team until my next actual appointment. She asked me why. I said I am tired, I don't want to know any more and no one is cutting on me; not any more.
All I want now is for the fatigue to go away. I can manage the pain. I just want to enjoy life a little again. I want to run and play with my beautiful shepherds. I want to hike the Superstition. I want to stay up late to watch Orion appear in the sky. I want...
I want to enjoy today and perhaps tomorrow without worrying about tomorrow or yesterday or even just an hour ahead. I am tired. I am really tired of being afraid of what tomorrow will bring or being fearful that some angry so called loved one from my past will come running up to pull the rug out from under me yet again.
There are two days in every week about which we should not worry. Two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday.We cannot undo a single act we performed.We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.
The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow. With its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow's Sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise.Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
This just leaves only one day . . . Today. Any person can fight the battles of just one day.
It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternity's - yesterday and tomorrow that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad. It is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.
Let us therefore live but one day at a time.
