Dr Williams James (psychologist), brother of the famous American Novelist, stated that personal happiness hinges on a practicality: if your reality lives up to your expectations, you are happy. If it doesn’t, you are depressed. Basically, I feel that this is as real, personal, and simple as philosophy and psychology get and makes perfect sense.
This means, that we have a creative choice to make if we want to be happy. Do we consciously and continually strive for more accomplishments and accumulations? Or do we “lower our expectations, live with what we have, and learn to be content?
Now most of us mistakenly believe that lowering our expectations means we must surrender our dreams. As on friend put it, “Sorry, Bonnie, but this sounds like giving up to me.”
Absolutely NOT!
Wrong!
Dreams and expectations are two entirely different things. Dreams call for a leap of faith, trusting that God is holding the net, so that you can continue in the re-creation of the world with your energy, soul, and vision. Expectations, on the other hand, are the emotional investment the ego makes in a particular outcome: what needs to happen to make that dream come true. The ego’s expectations are never vague: Nobel Price, magazine cover, the New York Times best-seller list, mother of the year award. Your dreams must manifest EXACTLY as the ego imagines or someone is not going to be very happy; and guess who that is? The EGO! Since none of us can always predict either the future of the best outcome for our journey, this kind of thinking is self-destructive. Because, if we do not live up to ego’s expectations, we’ve failed again and then, at some point, we really do give up.
The passionate pursuit of dreams sets your soul soaring; expectations that measure the dreams success tie stones around your very soul. I don’t think we should just lower our expectations; I believe if we truly want to live a joyous, adventurous life, that we should relinquish them.
Living your life as a dreamer and NOT as an “expector” is a personal declaration of independence. You are able to pursue happiness more directly when you don’t get caught up in the delivery details. Dreaming, not expecting, allows God to step in and surprise you with connection, completion, consummation, celebration. You dream. Show up for work. Then let the Spirit deliver your dream to the world.
After a lifetime of setting myself up for heartache, the way I now approach the delicate balance of dreams versus expectations is very Jamesian: Dream. Do. Detach. Dr James tells us that “when once a decision is reached and execution is the order of the day, dismiss absolutely all responsibility and care about the outcome.” I now approach my work with a passionate intensity, acting as if its success depends entirely on me. But, once I have done my best, I try to let go as much as possible and have no expectations about how my work will be received by the world. I have consciously chosen to be surprised by joy. It’s a choice each of you can make as well.
I don’t believe that any of our dreams begin to even come close to the dreams God has waiting with our names on them. I also believe we will only find out once we start investing our emotions in authentic expression, and not in specific outcomes.
Therefore, today, won’t you try to get real and personal about the pursuit of happiness? Start by simply letting go…
Blessed be
