Confidence and Esteem

In my humble opinion, self confidence should NEVER be confused with self esteem. You see, to me, self esteem s how I feel about myself in the privacy of my own heart and soul. It is where I ask those difficult questions such as:

Question: Do I love, accept, and approve of myself unconditionally?
Answer: No, not yet.

Question: Do I believe that I am worthy of love?
Answer: No, not yet.

Question: Do I believe that I deserve the best life has to offer?
Answer: Hell no!

You see, in this particular area I have learned a sad but hardened reality: the quality of self esteem hinges almost entirely on outside forces and can be directly or indirectly traced back through our relationships with parents, family, teachers, and even our own children. If they unconditionally loved and accepted and approved of us, then we probably do too -- but that is not the case for the vast majority of us. Unconditional love is oft times an enigma or something promised in religious doctrine. Humans are, after all --- human.

However, after I reached the age of 50, I learned the true meaning of self confidence; that magical elixir of spiritual grace that prepares me and you to face and surmount the challenges of life and yes, even death -- that constant companion of each of us from the moment we are born. I find that I have plenty of that elixir to drink and to spare.

As most know, I did not grow up in a supportive, loving home but I VERY fortunately had loving and supportive people in my life bot now and as a child. They showed me how to mix my own creative blend of life giving essences: attitude, gratitude, experience, knowledge and hope. It is a tasty elixir indeed.

My after 50 face/body, even though scarred and mutilated, is more comfortable than anything I lived in previously because, you see, self confidence is an amazing beauty treatment. Despite cancer(s), MS, and epilepsy, I actually look better because I finally "feel" better about me. Failure grief, and pain as well as success, joy, and love truly have serve me well.

I have finally, Finally, FINALLY, tapped into the most hard won of all virtues -- wisdom. I do not know how much longer God plans to let me stay here, but for now, I remain optimistic.

Optimism is an essential ingredient to self confidence (not to be confused with self bravado or ego) as is learning from our mistakes. EVERYTHING in life -- in nature (as well as everyone we meet or know" has something to teach us once we are WILLING to be taught. I am learning a great deal about what the natural world around me has to teach as I work on this new novel.  I just have to turn over the technical crap, quiet my soul and mind, and listen.

I remember once telling my daughter Mary, when she was challenged by a Spanish class as a teen, "If you think you can - you can and will. If You think you can't, you can't and won't" These are words I live by even today -- and they have seen me through many a bad bad time.

So today, dear reader, let yourself believe that you can do anything you want to do -- because YOU CAN. (something I taught all of my children and my granddaughter Jessie) All that is needed is just a pinch of self confidence to enhance a wilted self esteem.

Stay true to YOUR chosen path. Blessed be