CRASH AND BURN...

My candle burns at both its end;

It will not last the night.

But oh my foes and oh my friends;

It doth give a wondrous light. ~Edna St Vincent Millay

This was always one of my favorite poems and I would quote it to my children my late husband, and currently to Tom.  I quoted it to my Dr. yesterday, as I am learning, through all of the recent tests once again being performed, that I am battling health issues and she informed that my “body is burned out.” 

“I got news for you “Doc”;  I AM BURNED OUT… and there is not a damned thing you or I can do about it.”

Burnout, as I am fully aware, is a condition caused by unbalance; too much work or responsibility, too little time to do it, over too long a period.  I have been cruising in the fast lane but I have been running on fumes rather than on fuel for years.  I have always thought that burnout is something that just happens to other women – to workaholics and perfectionists, as well as caregivers. To those women who care deeply about their children, work, relationships, parents, siblings, friends, communities and other issues; which in this day and age sound like every woman I know.  Perhaps I would have paid more attention to burnout if it were as dramatic as a heart attack… oh wait, I have had a couple of those.  Duh!  You see, a smoldering flame really can become as deadly as a flash fire. L 

Sometimes burnout manifests itself as a sense of complete exhaustion at the end of a project that has taken months of challenging and intense work. Taking a week off to rest, then resuming work at a slower pace is usually enough to bring about a speedy recover. But first-degree burnout, the soul snuffer as my oncologist called it yesterday, comes from living unbalance for years; when what was supposed to be a temporary situation becomes a lifestyle.

Burnout often begins with illness – anything from a bout of flu you can’t shake to chronic fatigue syndrome – to heart attack – to cancer.  It is usually accompanied by depression. Sometimes, burnout is hard to distinguish from a creative dry spell, especially if you are good at denial; ( meet Cleo).

It’s burnout when you go to bed exhausted every night and wake up tired every morning – when no amount of sleep refreshes you, month after weary month.

It’s burnout when everything becomes too much effort; combing your hair, going out to dinner, visiting friends, walking your beloved dogs.

It’s burnout when you can’t believe, under any circumstances that you will EVER want to make love again.

It’s burnout when you find yourself cranky all the time, bursting into tears or going into fits or rage at the slightest provocation ( wish my daughter could read this one)

It’s burnout when you dread the next phone call (which may explain my increasing urge to throw my cell phone into the nearest toilet)

It’s burnout when you feel trapped and hopeless, unable to dream, experience pleasure, or find contentment.

It’s burnout when neither big thrills nor little moments have the power to move you – when nothing satisfies you because you haven’t a clue what’s wrong or how to fix it.

It’s burnout when you feel there is not one other person on the face of the earth who can help you..

AND YOU ARE RIGHT!!!

As health issues, the economy, family problems, etc continue to engulf me ( and others) in growing waves that are beginning to feel like tsunami, you are the only person on earth who can help because you are the only one who can make the lifestyle changes that need to be made.  To call a halt, to take a slower path, to make a detour from the road you are currently on.

True, I (nor my readers) can change the economy, health issues, even family problems, but we can change our attitude to them or the time we invest in worry.  We can draw boundary lines, insist that we are as important as the next person, and learn to live with a little less to have a little more.

When you have no strength left, as is currently my situation, then you have no choice but to rely on the strength of a saner Power to restore you to Wholeness.

In the pursuit of our souls, the Creator takes no prisoners.

Burnt offerings

Burned to a crisp

Burned beyond recognition

Burned alive

Burned out….

I am letting go and letting God.

What Have You Learned?

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.

I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place. (Amen to that!)

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that I'm getting more and more like my grandma, and I'm kinda happy about it.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if she believed it

I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that if you don't want to forget something, stick it in your underwear drawer.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that the clothes I like best are the ones with the most holes in them.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life.

I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.

I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.

I've learned that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meaning, it loses value when overly used.

I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

WE ONLY HAVE TODAY

I met with my GP yesterday... She cojoled, we argued. She scolded, I laughed. She admonished, I said ENOUGH!  

We are running some of the basic tests but I have declined some of the more detailed tests she wanted to run.  I declined going back to my Oncology team until my next actual appointment. She asked me why.  I said I am tired, I don't want to know any more and no one is cutting on me; not any more.

All I want now is for the fatigue to go away.  I can manage the pain.  I just want to enjoy life a little again. I want to run and play with my beautiful shepherds.  I want to hike the Superstition.  I want to stay up late to watch Orion appear in the sky. I want...

I want to enjoy today and perhaps tomorrow without worrying about tomorrow or yesterday or even just an hour ahead.  I am tired.  I am really tired of being afraid of what tomorrow will bring or being fearful that some angry so called loved one from my past will come running up to pull the rug out from under me yet again.

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry. Two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday.We cannot undo a single act we performed.We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow. With its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow's Sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise.Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.

This just leaves only one day . . . Today. Any person can fight the battles of just one day.
It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternity's - yesterday and tomorrow that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad.      It is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday  and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.

Let us therefore live but one day at a time.

Worry Steals Precious Moments.

Once again, life seems to be throwing health obstacles in my way.  I have an appointment with my GP today but know it will quickly escalate to heading me back to my Oncologist and cancer team.  I have been battling some serious fatigue issues, upper jaw pain and the blurring in my right eye, the only one I see out of, is getting worse.  There appears to be a small tumor forming in that eye.  (yep, I am scared to death).

As I fight the symptoms to stay on my feet, ensure I get myself to work, as even one day off will throw my budget severely out of whack, and take care of my two German Shepherds; my worry and fear are beginning to grow.   I am a worrier in full worry mode right now and I know it is NOT helping the health issues.

Are you a worrier?  We all are to some extent, but some of us are more pessimistic than others, and WE worry; it’s always the worst possible thing that first comes to mind.  In battling cancer, in the loss of my beloved husband to alcohol and drug addiction, the alienation from my children, I have learned that worrying is not my friend but it is a great thief of my precious time.   I have learned that, in worrying over something, I am NOT doing a dammed thing positive about the problem.  In truth, worry simply increases my stress level (not good for the cancer), and sets me off in an escalating spiral that can ruin an entire day – not only for myself but for those around me. 

Now, when I find myself fretting over an issue, instead of working myself into an absolute frenzy, I stop, whisper a prayer, and count my blessings in so many other areas of my life.  I have learned that simply to ask a blessing upon my circumstances, whatever they are, somehow improves them. As Marjorie Holmes writes “ I came upon one of the most ancient and universal truths – that to affirm and claim God’s help even before it is given, is to receive it.”

So today, as I battle these health issues, I will life those worries and ask for grace to get through the rest of the day.  I know that there is an abundance of amazing grace available to all of us is we simply learn to ask for it.

“Desire, Ask, Believe, Receive”, says the mystic Stella Terrill.  Begin by praying or conversing with your higher power in that order and you will understand why.

After praying about your worries, is there a friend you can share your problem with?  A good friend who will not pass judgment or try to fix everything?  If not, sit down quietly and write out what’s troubling you. Write out what the worst case scenario, your greatest fear, your coping mechanism etc.  If you don’t have an answer for any of these things than write out “I don’t know.”  It’s okay NOT to have the answers. Mark Twain admitted, near the end of his life; “I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened.

Difficult times have tuaght me how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that most os uf worry about really are of no importance whatsoever.

Worrying about the future robs all of us of the present moment. Try to observe how much worrying you do and if the nagging worry follows you relentlessly throughout the day than follow Scarlet O’Hara’s example (lead character in Gone With The Wind) and simply tell yourself “I’m not going ot think about this right now, I’ll think about this tomorrow.”

After all, tomorrow is always a day away.  Right now, I have this precious gift of today.  May it be wonder-filled!

High School Reunion - 40 years?

We all have them – high school reunions, if our hearts are still ticking.

My 40th reunion was held this month in my little hometown of Albion, NY; a tiny hamlet close to SUNY of Brockport (where I attended college), and in between Buffalo and Rochester.

How I loved high school. It was a moment in time when we were all so innocent; and yet…thought we knew it all. I was the girl who was not much into a social calendar. Oh I did attend Football games; particularly the one's held between our arch rivals the Medina Mustangs and our team the Albion Eagles... The purple and white.  Homecoming parades and bonfires. I would be there, until the end.

I belonged to the student council, Spanish club, drama club, marching band and symphony where I lovingly played the French Horn for four years, loving the practice and the performances while living in semi fear of a fantastic music instructor; Moses Sherman.

I loved working in the library with my mentor Mrs Rodden and listening to her words of wisdom and stories of life.

Dances? Are you kidding me? I lived for them. Boys?  I found that one special one at a school dance... Douglas James Pike (3 years my senior) and married him when I was 18... God would take him from me just 24 years and 3 weeks later.

However it was the world of academics that really held me. My need to get those A’s in order to be accepted into college AND prevent the dreaded look of disapproval from my parents.

Yep, I loved my high school years.

So, one could conclude (logically) that if someone “LOVED” their high school experience, they would naturally want to go to their reunion. This was NOT quite truefor me. My mind and heart continued to battle it out, right up until that very weekend…

The word, “REUNION,” is almost a misnomer. Considering we were never REALLY united when we were in high school. What? Sorry, it’s true. Most of us had our group of friends whether it be The Breakfast Club of: Jocks, ASB, Social Butterflies, Surfers, Nerds, or the Stoners. Never really speaking to each other, much.
And then comes the time to REUNITE. That seemingly awkward “Hello” or “Hug” after 40 years, frantically searching for each other’s name tag. Or even worse…they know yours and you don’t remember theirs.

And how about the people who attend just to energetically say, “Look at me…I made it! Someone loved me enough to pronounce ’till death do us part,’ and I have two kids who have just received Honor Roll, while being the STAR athletes on the basketball courts of our old Junior HS. My home is paid off, and I am just about to retire…How are you?” All the while, still proving to themselves that they are enough by their accomplishments, titles and money. Forgetting that they are enough…just by being born.

Then there are those who don’t make an appearance, such as myself…because they buy into the illusions and think they are too poor, fat, old, sick and worthless. Or, they tell themselves that they just don’t care.

Are you HERE Bonnie, It’s Me, The Universe? Time is running out lady. Grab that golden ring!

When it finally came down to it, I still really wanted to go.  It was where I needed to be. Simply because it was a reminder of a more innocent time. Their innocence and mine. It would help me to remember that…we are all ONE. And this time, maybe I could do it differently. Maybe this would have been my last chance to UNITE… for the FIRST time.

So there you have it. The one thing I absolutely VALUED about seeing my fellow classmates again, is that they remind me of my youth. A time when I can remember what it was like before my “so-called” struggles and when my body was intact and when Doug walked and held my hand. A beautiful bridge that we ALL have in common, if we are just willing to take the time…to cross it.

As I am shedding layers upon layers of my protective and egocentric walls of fear, I am slowly being re-born to the innocence of Love. I will hold on to that even though it was finally Cancer and work that prevented me from going home to see old friends and catch up on lives of those who still touch mine in gentle ripples.
My oldest friend and good luck charm Kim Wright Pritt was on the planning committee for this 40th reunion and through her I was able to attend; albeit vicariously.  She kept me apprised through letters and emails of all that was going on and today even sent me the information package that all who attended received.  To my surprise, even though I could not be there, and have not been back home since 2002, I was included in the package... and she honored me by calling me what I always dreamt of being; an author - a writer.

I also got to find out what so many old friends have been doing and silently slipped in beside each of them for just a few minutes.

I know I will never see my home again, but with dear friends of 50 plus years, I will always be able to be there in my heart and mind and I know I will never be alone.

Happy 40th Reunion to the 1974 Graduating Class of Albion Central High. 

(From the Information Package)

Did You Know...
A lot of interesting things have happened to all of us over the last 40 years. Here are just a few bits of information to help start some conversations so you can learn more about your classmates lives!
 Two couples are currently married to fellow class of 1974 classmates:

o Rodney Woolston and Donna Celmer Woolston

o Tom Maxon and Suzanne Greene Maxon

 Becky Allen Prophet is a professional clown and teaches others to be clowns

 Bonnie Breuilly Pike is a published author - she wrote three books of poetry and is working on a novel

 Maggie Strickland Parsons has been in radio for over 30 years and is currently a DJ on Rochester radio station Legends 102.7

 Maggie Strickland Parsons lived on Guam for about 10 years - she was a missionary with Trans World Radio and served as the morning announcer on their local radio station. She also worked at another local station as a news anchor/reporter. She has enjoyed extensive traveling - she's been to Australia, Japan, Hong Kong, China, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, and Hawaii.

 Pat Neal was not able to attend because she is using her vacation this year to go to the Antarctic, which completes her bucket list goal to see all seven continents!

 Several 1974 classmates have retired from the prison system within the last couple of years: John Borello and Renee Schoonover Colonna from Orleans Correctional and Marilyn Wright Kilborn, Deb Engle Martillotta, Rodney Woolston, and Donna Celmer Woolston from Albion Correctional - sorry if we missed someone!

 Chris Rodden Capurso was the first person to get married in our class that is currently still together. She married Al Capurso on August 24, 1973 and they are still married 41 years later!

 Kathy Murray True was the second person to marry that is currently still together - she married John True on Dec 28, 1973. Kathy and John are also still married after 41 years together.

 Bob Fleming worked at DC Comics for a while!

 Anne "Michelle" Johnson Dicureia lived in Reno, NV from 1980-1985 and would dearly love to return!

 John Borello is still actively playing music in a local band called The Who Dats

 Kevin Georgitso was the mock "Police Chief" when our senior class took over the Village government and, coincidentally, he had a 30 year career in law enforcement as an officer and detective in the Arizona Dept of Public Safety (the Arizona equivalent of State Police), retiring in January 2009

 Carol Hollenbeck Duke has lived in some pretty interesting places: Birmingham, AL, Richmond, VA, Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Bangkok, Jakarta, Reidsville, NC. She has traveled "across the pond" three times to serve as missionaries and to pastor churches. All told, she has lived in 24 homes in 31 years of marriage!

 Laurie Tully has lived in Louisiana for most of the last 37 years and has been married for 19 years!

 John Strausburger couldn't be here because he will be in Vancover, British Columbia. He lives in Fort Worth, TX, has a daughter in Denver, two sons in Nashville, TN, three grandsons, and a granddaughter on-the-way!

 Kim Wright Pritt lived in North Carolina for 26 years and recently retired and moved back home to Albion......who says "no one ever retires and moves NORTH"?

The Mystery Of The Soul

Christina Baldwin (author of one of my favorite books Life's Companion: Journal Writing as a Spiritual Practice) said "How we remember and what we remember and why we remember form the most personal map of our individuality. I concur with her belief in this area and I think it explains why some people cling to immaturity, anger, resentment or fear... they stop their own introspection far too soon. So, with the help of good friends, some great doctors, and my own faith, I am going to continue this spiritual dig that I know will eventually lead me to discover the Mystery of where my soul abides.

Whether you realize it or not, each of us has lived many lives. and each one has left an indelible mark on our souls. No, dear reader, I am not talking about the metaphysical such as reincarnation. I am referring to the episodic and sometimes cyclical ways in which our lives evolve: childhood, adolescence, university, career, marriage, motherhood, retirement, widowhood, and onward. At each and every stage in our lives we have experienced both laughter and tears. However, even more important for the interests of this topic, we develop personal preferences. Each live experience and how we CHOOSE to view or interpret it, leaves a layer of memory like a deposit of rich sediment: things we have loved and moments of contentment we have cherished that when recalled reveal glimmers of our true selves.

I have known many who are hesitant to recall their past because they are afraid they will dredge up painful memories or have to face some sad realities they would so much prefer not to own. But I believe that just like each new battle with cancer has brought a gift for me if I am but willing to look for it, so too will each painful memory come also bearing a peace offering. In truth, there is nothing to fear for the past only asks to be remembered.

Today and for the days that God lets me have, I expect many things as I sit around the campfire of my heart and you will around yours and if you invite me, I will gladly share with you. Remember, dear reader, that someone is always listening. Someone is always talking to you and encouraging you to take that next step as you embrace the Mystery of your soul.. as I embrace the mystery of mine.

Expect to have hope rekindled. Expect your prayers to be answered in wonder filled ways for the dry seasons of life are never permanent.

Blessed be.

NATURES SHADOW.

In the shadows of
this foreboding storm,
thundering, echoing
lighting darkened sky
I ponder the truth of a chrysalis- beyond an enchanted dream
Suddenly my life is wonder filled for a transforming arty scheme
A "Free bird" amidst a rainbow canvas,
a work divine
Intoxicating breath of heaven, on sweet well water wine

Delicately woven intricacy
of nature’s luminous parfait
Even as the wonder of a waning summer
brings an elegant bouquet
It’s easy to dance with "Heavenly Wings"
Letting-go of the old for new 'exciting' things

Caught-up in the moment,
the beauty of Nature's word is true
The “Goddess of second chances” creates all things new
Now, like the butterfly, the old is left for dead
Enraptured by living scenes of beauty and wise words said

Liberated to limitless heights, free to soar and roam
With every negative there is a positive; now I rest at home
Humankind , symbolic of a butterfly, "here today and gone tomorrow"
We need truth and thankful days ,
while surrendering ourselves
to the Natural ways....

Bonnie Pike; from Shadows of Love 2/2011

Shadows of Growth and Miracles: Stay Warm My Children... stay loved.

Shadows of Growth and Miracles: Stay Warm My Children... stay loved.:

Live Each Day As If It Were Your Last

“It has done me good to be somewhat parched by the heat and drenched by the rain of life,” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

A few years ago, at my 50^th Birthday party, my young granddaughter asked me how I felt about being “old”. I was taken aback, for I did not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question and I would ponder it, and let her know. Now, as I near 60, have been seriously battling cancer (Stage 3 breast) for 7 years, have lost contact with her and other family members due to anger and resentments of things beyond anyone’s control, I am finally ready to give an answer to that question.

Old age, I have decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my scarred, battered, aging body­- but I don't agonize over it for long.

As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so perfect on my southwestern patio. I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many family members and dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to stay out in the desert and watch the sky will with stars? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50's and 60's and 70’s , and if I at the same time wish to weep over a lost love, I will. Despite my daughter’s embarrassment over my show of emotions over a poem, a song, etc., I enjoy the fact that I can feel and know such joys and sorrows.

I know I am starting to be a little forgetful, at times. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten ­ and I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough, despite the cancer and the struggles, to see my hair turning white and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves around my eyes.  So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

 I can say "no", and mean it. I can say "yes", and mean it.  As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer the question, I like being old. It has set me free. And, despite what some people now think, I like the person I have become. I have learned that liking ME is the most important things I can do and it took me over half a century to do it.

Cancer has, in its own way, been a blessing as it showed me early on that I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. For the first time in my life, I don't have to have a reason to do the things I want to do; other than hold down a job to pay the bills.  If I want to read a book on the patio all day, lay on the couch and watch old movies for hours or don't want to go to the mall or a movie, I have earned that right. I have put in my time doing everything for others, so now I can be a bit selfish without feeling guilty (even when others try VERY hard to make me feel so.)

I have learned a few facts in this circle of life that I would like to share with those who are still young:

•  Don’t be bitter with your life path for it’s a path you and only you chose. Don’t ever lay blame on others (loved ones, God, ex-colleagues, whoever) for the choices that you made along the way. You had the choice to stay, leave, learn, forget, forgive, live, say and act. By blaming others, you become a victim of circumstance rather than a purveyor of choice.
• Put love before money and memories before things when you measure your success. I often wonder how wealthy the 60-year-old me will be in comparison to how happy the 60-year-old me will be. One thing I pray is that beyond wealth, I will know the joy in life’s real successes: happiness, love, family, time and health.
•  Hear younger people, take an interest in their lives and ask them questions about their adventures. Make it about them and not about you. You’ve lived already; your story’s old hat. They’re the exciting, next generation, they’re still bumping their heads and writing their stories. Don’t interrupt them in their playful journey by expecting them to be interested in your already-forged, world-view. In any case, there’s probably a thing or two to be learned from people younger than you.
• Following from this, let go of your children. Let them run free and live their lives away from the apron strings. No one ever liked a meddling or interfering parent who — out of boredom or dissatisfaction with their own lives — gets overly involved. Balance your involvement but maintain the strong sense of family and togetherness without the toxicity; if they will let you and you will let them.
• Don’t use this time as an excuse to slow down, watch more television and forget what it means to keep active. The best 60-year-olds are the ones who still have the energy to live. And of course a sedentary lifestyle will make you wilt. So keep moving: cut the lawn, paint the kitchen, walk the dogs and clean out your cupboards. And if you’re up to it, cycle races and climb mountains and swim rivers. Don’t become a prisoner in your own body because you’ve neglected your health over the years and it’s now too late to fix.
• Maintain stimulating friendships and don’t sink into solitude. I don’t think people plan to be old and lonely and yet so many turn out that way. Be a person you would want to hang out with, debate interesting things, keep thinking, have a sense of humor and be interesting. Don’t push people away because you’re 60, completely uninteresting and an emotional drain.
• At 60-years-old, your childhood is no longer an excuse. Read, rediscover and reinvent who you are rather than using a lifetime-ago childhood as an excuse for bad behavior. We are never too old to change or grow. Our life’s work should be to constantly improve on our younger self.
• Don’t live in the past or drag people into yours. The past is one of the best teachers we will ever have but it’s also the greatest waste of now. Appreciate today for what it is and get on with the now.
• Forget the small stuff -- small fights, nitpicking and nagging. Chill out, stay even-tempered and have a good time.

You know, I sometimes feel sorry for the young. They face a far different world than I knew growing up, where we feared the law, respected the old, the flag, our country. I never felt the need to use filthy language in order to express myself. And they too will grow old someday.

I am grateful to have been born when I was, into a kinder, gentler world. I am grateful for the wonderful man I met and married almost 40 years ago and who now waits for me, just on the other side. I am grateful for the chance just to be.

We have but one life to live and it is never long enough… therefore, make it count!

Take the Leap of Faith

I am blessed, but then we all are; we just all tend to forget that fact far too often. We all, also have hidden talents just waiting to be excavated from our souls… from our dreams.

 In secret, I continue to nurture the nascent dream – the life’s work entrusted to me for safekeeping – in the sanctuary of my soul.

In quiet moments, such as when I am out by the Superstition Mountains or sitting by the water at Canyon Lake, I literally overflow with excitement at the golden possibilities that still stretch endlessly before me. Often, because happiness is a difficult emotion to “bear” alone, I will later often confide my dreams to my partner, my dearest friends, or my children.

Then the gold starts to show that it was only paint at their lack of enthusiasm hits me as point-blank range.  The “for your own good” lectures pour forth:

·         You are too old

·         You are too ill

·         You are too overextended

·         You are too poor

·         You are too inexperienced

·         You don’t have the resources

·         You don’t have the talent

·         You don’t have the contacts

·         It’s one chance in a million this could even work

·         You have more important things to do

·         This is not you…

Oh really?   And just how many dreams have they successfully brought into the world?

Sadly, I have learned, the hard way, to be very careful about confiding my sacred dreams, especially the first trimester after creative conception; the periods referred to as “the dreaming consciousness” prior to conception. Remember, a disgruntled dreamer is a lousy mentor. NEVER seek someone’s advice if you even suspect you will know what they will say.  You cannot afford to hear the negative tape again.

Second thoughts have aborted more dreams that all the difficult circumstances, overwhelming obstacles, and dangerous detours fate could ever throw at you. Undermining your “life’s work” by succumbing to someone else’s second thoughts is a sinister, subtle, and seductive form of self-abuse. Few of us are immune to the opinions of others. We need to learn how to dispassionately assess advice, ponder the source, and weigh the opinion. If the information is insightful and is something you hadn’t considered, retain it.  If it’s discouraging, let it go; end your conversation politely but firmly. Better yet, in the future, don’t even start it.

The leader of the 1951 Scottish Himalayan Expedition team that scaled Mount Everest  urged the dreamer in all of us to take a leap of faith “Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issue from the decision, raising one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.”

So today, dear reader, commit to discovering, acknowledging, appreciating, owning, and honoring your dreams; the work of your soul and may you know happiness.  We are all blessed so take that leap of faith.

LIFE IS A KIND OF LOVEMAKING; APPRECIATE IT TO ITS FULLEST

In my previous studies of world religions, I was told a story about the Chinese wise man Lao-Tzu, a man born 500 years prior to Christ.  As the story goes, Lao-Tzu decided to leave the province where he lived because he became disillusioned with the corrupt decaying dynasty that ruled it. (Very similar to how many of us currently feel about the corruption and decay running through our government and country here in America.)  When he arrived at the border, a guard asked the wise old man if he would write a book before he left, instructing seekers in “the art of living.”  Lao-Tzu willingly agreed.  He called his book the Tao Te Ching. When it was completed, he left China and was never seen or heard from again.

The Tao Te Ching is the sacred text of the Chinese religion known as Taoism and one of the most widely translated books of all time.  Its followers strive to live according to the principles of the Tao which they believe governs the order of the Universe.  Similar to Zen, Tao, or “the Way”, is a spiritual path; it must be intimately experienced instead of intellectually comprehended if insights are to be discovered.  One of its main themes is unity, based upon yielding rather than resisting.  When a seeker commits to “the Way”, he or she sheds all expectations, becoming an empty vessel to be filled to the brim with both the yin and the yang energies of life; career and home, dark and light, sadness and joy, intimacy and solitude, aggression and passivity, etc.

How can the enigmatic advice of an ancient Chinese philosopher help any of use to get our own lives in order? If our souls are so preoccupied with undoing, how does anything ever get done.

The truth is that is gets done by pausing.  By reflecting on the way in which our life proceeds day in and day out. What works and what doesn’t work. As we pause to reflect before doing, before speaking, before reacting, we come to an awareness of how the nature of all things – even the minutia of domestic life – contributes to the harmony of the whole.

One of the illuminating lessons that Lao-Tzu left us is that “naming is the origin of all particular things” and that “mystery and manifestation arise from the same source”  I have taken this wisdom to heart and have learned that even drudgery can be transformed through a willing and open heart. It can be changed into labors of love.

Begin with the words that describe, or name, your creative efforts.  Let “chores” becomes “tasks”  Stop calling your daily round “housework” and try calling it  “home caring”.  Start enjoying that job of walking your dogs as a time to enjoy nature. Redefining our work casts a subtle but powerful spell over the subconscious mind.

Our daily work, be it at the office or domestic theophanies, are visible manifestations of the devine throughout our lives. We find them by looking for Mystery in the mundane, seeing the Sacred in the ordinary.  Lao-Tzu urged seekers in “regard to the small as important” and “to make much of the little”.

Today, dear reader, try to glimpse everything you do, no matter how insignificant it may seem, as a part of your journey to wholeness and creativity.  Remember that each day is wonder-filled.

You just have to pause, look around, and see the wonder of it all.

I want to think of life itself as a kind of lovemaking… the chance to appreciate what I live with and cherish to is fullest.