In my humble opinion, self confidence should NEVER be confused with self esteem. To me, self esteem is how I feel about myself in the privacy of my own heart and soul; not the face I show the world. It is where I ask these difficult questions:
Question: Do I love, accept and approve of myself unconditionally?
Answer: No, not yet.
Questions: Do I believe that I am worthy of love"
Answer: I am beginning to think so.
Question: Do I believe I deserve the best in life?
Answer: Hell No.
Yep, I have some work to do in this esteem issue.
You see, I have learned a sad, hardened reality: the quality of self -esteem hinges almost entirely on our external relationships -- parents, spouses, relatives, teachers, religious, and even our own children. If they love us unconditionally, and have accepted and approved of us, then we probably do too. Alas, this is NOT the case for the majority of us for unconditional love is as elusive as a unicorn and is oft times an enigma surrounded in religious doctrine. Humans are after all -- human.
However, after I reached the age of 50, I learned the true meaning of self confidence (not to be confused with self bravado or ego). Self confidence is that magic elixir of spiritual grace that prepares me and you to face and surmount the challenges of life and yes, even death; that constant companion of each of us from the minute we are born.
As many of my readers know, I did not grow up in a supportive , loving home, but I fortunately did (and do) have loving and supportive people in my life. They showed me how to mix up my own aromatic blend of self confidence using the essences of: attitude, experience, optimism, knowledge, faith, and hope.
My after 50 face and body, yes even scarred and mutilated as it now is, is more comfortable that anything I have lived in previously. You see, self confidence is also an elusive fountain of "beauty". Despite the cancers(s), MS, and epilepsy I actually look better because I feel better about me. Failure, grief, and pain as well as success, joy, laughter, and love, truly have serve me well.
I have finally, Finally, FINALLY, tapped into that most hard won of all virtues -- wisdom. I do not know how much longer God plans to let me stay here, but for now, I am optimistic.
Optimism is essential to self confidence as is learning from our mistakes. EVERTYTHING in life -- in Nature (as well as everyone we meet or know) has something to teach us once we are willing to be taught. The key word here is WILLING.
I remember once telling my daughter Mary when she was a teenager and facing the obstacle of learning a new language in school: "If you think you can, you can and will. If you think you can't you can't and won't" (she passed by the way).
These are words I have lived by even today -- and they have seen me through many a bad bad time.
So, today, dear reader, let yourself believe that YOU can do anything you want to, because YOU CAN. (Something I always taught my children, my Jessie bear, and my scouts and "adopted children" ) All that is needed is a pinch of self confidence to enhance a wilted self esteem.
Stay on your chosen path. Blessed be.
2 comments:
Self-confidence was always an issue for me. Although I had a successful Navy career and held a couple of great civilian jobs, I never felt that I was "good enough", and that I was lacking something that my peers had (and that I desperately wanted). This self-loathing led me down a path of addiction to alcohol and drugs that lasted for many years. The more I used, my more I hated myself and the more unhappy I was. It wasn't until I was well into my 50's that I realized that I deserve to be happy, and that my addictions were the root cause and were keeping me from a happy life. My decision to "clean up" was the best decision I have ever made in my life. I now have seven years of sobriety and a totally new outlook on life. I now love the person I am. Each day I wake up with a renewed sense of worth. I AM a good person and am so worthy of loving and being loved. My diagnosis of terminal cancer left me stunned and, briefly, with a feeling that I somehow deserved this fate for my earlier transgressions. I've since managed to work through this and am now more determined than ever to live my remaining life to its fullest. I thank God each day for the life He has given me and pray that He will allow me to stick around to see my grandchildren grown up.
My dearest Mike... How I wish you knew how much I always valued and loved you and looked up to you. One of the reasons I was proud to have you become Mary's godfather (was never too fond of the woman who became her godmother but that is another time to tell)... I so wish she had gotten the opportunity to grow up near you.
Reading your comment brought me to tears... tears of gratitude for your sobriety and continuing well fought battle. Tears of loss and sorrow as my Doug did not even try to battle his addictions and nothing I tried, said, or did made a difference. I lost him long before he actually left this world... but I never stopped nor will I ever stop loving him.
Cancer has been a major wake up call for me as well... As you know I never drank or did drugs or smoked... but I did "pretend". I spent a life time pretending and being something everyone else needed. Now, despite the costs, I am myself... and learning to love and like me.
Not an easy task is it Mike?
Thank you for commenting here. Thank you for YOU.
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