Monday, May 9, 2011

Hold the line...


The law that our thoughts create our experiences is not just a law unto each isolated individual. It is just as applicable to our beliefs as a whole. When individuals begin to create a new, peaceful world, so will the human race, as a whole, create a paradise on Earth. In other words, when we all see that we can have the world we desire just by thinking that we can, it will manifest for us.

And then, there's also the icing on the cake. It can happen fast. It can happen in our lifetimes. We need not think that we are just making things better for future generations. We are also making things better for ourselves. It can start with the smallest spark, and, as quick as a wink, it can spread around the entire globe.

It only takes for each of us to start to see everyone else in their highest light ... even the international bankers and power brokers who have used deceit and fear and all things horrid in order to maintain control over us. We so often forget that each man, no matter how bad we think he is, does indeed, without exception, have a shining Spirit deep down inside. To remember this and to act accordingly is the challenge of mankind today. For some reason - perhaps the desire of some to dominate others - we have overlooked our ability to see the good side of every man. We don't notice him in his highest light. We don't see him standing up for the Highest Good. And if we don't see him standing up for the Highest Good, he won't. He'll continue to ride roughshod over us as he pleases. But it is when we begin to see every man, even our enemies whom we have called "the bad guys" in the past, as standing up for the Highest Good, they will sooner or later reflect our expectations of them and step into their highest calling.

There is something deep within our inner nature that is called up when we are confronted by a man of principle, a man who speaks directly yet gently into the face of his friends and enemies alike, and doesn't back down. Something special happens in the psyche of the "bad guy" when he is confronted by someone who sets a noble example. It may be subtle at first, but after awhile, it will change him, just as when you keep chipping away large rock - eventually it turns into pebbles ... or a statue of great beauty.

His heart will soften and his mind will recognize the wisdom in becoming one with others. Walls of separation will dissolve as the "bad guy" begins to follow your example and seek for his own highest light inside himself. And when he looks, he will find a world that is better than the one where he spent all his energy trying to control everything and everyone around him. He'll experience a feeling of great joy that was not available to him as long as he persecuted others.

And we'll all be much happier because, from then on, instead of continuing to deal with the challenges of how do we get along with each other, we can all start to work together on the challenges of how do we make our world as good as it can possibly be.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Your beautiful mother ... and you.


It was from the moment you entered my life,
So tiny and helpless and new...
That nothing would ever again be the same,
Only better; for now there was you.

How could I know as I looked at you then,
That old feelings would find a new start?
Or in time you'd remind me of memories long past,
Or how deeply you'd enter my heart?

Just watching you grow was a marvelous sight,
As you toddled and learned how to walk.
Then I watched in amazement as time slipped away,
And like magic, you started to talk.

The touch of your tiny hand clinging to mine,
Formed a bond that would last like no other.
Giving rise to the memories I'd long since forgotten
Of the same things I'd felt for your uncles and mother.

With a certain perception that grandmothers have,
I was always able to see,
The warm summer breezes and the scent of the rose,
That abounded when you were with me.

Just seeing the warmth of the light in your eyes,
And the billowy bounce of your hair,
Confirmed without question, that deep in my heart,
Was a special love so rare.

As time slipped away and you started school,
My adoration just grew...
For you learned all so quickly, each thing that you tried,
Learning much more than I ever knew.

So it is, that I marvel while watching you grow,
Perhaps one day to be a young wife.
Still, long I'll remember those earliest years,
When you lightened and brightened the days of my life.

Though years bring upon us all manner of tune,
The sweetest of songs are unsung...
But these memories for all my yesterdays I'll keep,
For the warmth of their glow keeps me young.

No one can know all the love that I felt,
In the warmth of your tender embrace.
Or the fondest of memories kept with me still,
That the passage of time and cancer can't erase.

A grandmother's love, like a mother's love is forever,
It is patient and caring and true...
And it's mellowed by sharing with two special girls...
Your beautiful mother ... and you.

So I opened my heart, as I opened my arms,
Now whenever is whispered my name...
Know that I'm with you wherever you go...
And so thankful to them, you came.

For My Son and Daughter on Mother's Day


for tiny heartfelt kisses
for granting little wishes

for moon lit nights of endless fun
for water fights in the blazing sun

for reading in our special chair
letting me comb and style your hair

for strawberry milk filled to the top
for run and throw and twirl and hop

for unicorns and royal purple dresses
for snuggling and great big messes

for poetry and singing larks
for healing boo-boos and scaring sharks

for conversations I'd never known
for the shadows of light you've shown

for Dr Seuss; we love to rhyme
for giving me a little of your precious time

for kitties, dogs, snakes and turtles
for forcing me to jump my hurdles

for empathy and kindness true
for soft spirits that come from you

for midnight snacks and peter pan
for jack and sally and boogey man

for deep long gazes; bright blue eyes
for silver clouds and turquoise skies

for all the universe and the stars
for healing all my painful scars

for my daughter and my son, thank you today
for making me mommy, in every way

Saturday, May 7, 2011


Comparisons, Complaints, and Enlightenment

Comparisons are irresistible but they are also odious, insidious and very often our self-torture of choice. Comparisons can also be demeaning, not only to those comparing but to those being compared. This is true whether the comparison be about recognition, fame, achievement, or failures, illness, and suffering.

Today, I have been giving great thought to this seeming need of we humans. Why is it that we are always guilty in some way at some time of coveting our neighbors husband, figure, clothes, income, or career. What about our envy or jealousy over others achievements, awards, recognition and fame? Sadly what about when we compare our own suffering against another's because we feel we have suffered more or that another has no right to complain?

Generally it is often only one person whose own blessings or pain has the ability to push our buttons of raging insecurity; we really don't care if most of the world has more then we have or is more ill then we are, we only care that "he/she" has it and the attention that comes with it and NOT us. Often the subject of our hostility is not personally known to us, though the life he/she lives is in print. Other times, they are someone very close to us. Secretly we "stalk" social networks, magazines, newspapers accumulating evidence against their good fortune.. Whether this person be a stranger or your best friend, you insist on measuring your life, success, bank account, and self worth against hers.

Obviously, I could write a book on coveting, jealousy, envy, illness and making oneself miserable with comparison unless I was vaguely familiar with this sin against one's own authenticity. Therefore, for just a moment, follow me in reading one of my favorite poems; a clever, funny spiteful little ode by Clive James:

'The Book of my Enemy Has Been Remaindered'
"The book of my enemy has been remaindered
And I am pleased.
In vast quantities it has been remaindered
Like a van-load of counterfeit that has been seized
And sits in piles in a police warehouse,
My enemy's much-prized effort sits in piles
In the kind of bookshop where remaindering occurs.
Great, square stacks of rejected books and, between them, aisles
One passes down reflecting on life's vanities,
Pausing to remember all those thoughtful reviews
Lavished to no avail upon one's enemy's book --
For behold, here is that book
Among these ranks and banks of duds,
These ponderous and seemingly irreducible cairns
Of complete stiffs.


The book of my enemy has been remaindered
And I rejoice.
It has gone with bowed head like a defeated legion
Beneath the yoke.
What avail him now his awards and prizes,
The praise expended upon his meticulous technique,
His individual new voice?
Knocked into the middle of next week
His brainchild now consorts with the bad buys
The sinker, clinkers, dogs and dregs,
The Edsels of the world of moveable type,
The bummers that no amount of hype could shift,
The unbudgeable turkeys.


Yea, his slim volume with its understated wrapper
Bathes in the blare of the brightly jacketed Hitler's War Machine,
His unmistakably individual new voice
Shares the same scrapyard with a forlorn skyscraper
Of The Kung-Fu Cookbook,
His honesty, proclaimed by himself and believed by others,
His renowned abhorrence of all posturing and pretense,
Is there with Per twee's Promenades and Pierrots--
One Hundred Years of Seaside Entertainment,
And (oh, this above all) his sensibility,
His sensibility and its hair-like filaments,
His delicate, quivering sensibility is now as one
With Barbara Windsor's Book of Boobs,
A volume graced by the descriptive rubric
"My boobs will give everyone hours of fun".


Soon now a book of mine could be remaindered also,
Though not to the monumental extent
In which the chastisement of remaindering has been meted out
To the book of my enemy,
Since in the case of my own book it will be due
To a miscalculated print run, a marketing error--
Nothing to do with merit.
But just supposing that such an event should hold
Some slight element of sadness, it will be offset
By the memory of this sweet moment.
Chill the champagne and polish the crystal goblets!
The book of my enemy has been remaindered
And I am glad."


Feelings of Comparison are never good as this does not lead one of us to enlightenment. We are adults . We all should be bigger than this, shouldn't we? Hmmm..

Well, even if we are not, comparisons hurt each of us in profound ways. They undermine our confidence, shut down our flow of creative energy, shor sircuit our access to a higher Power, deplete our self esteem, suck the life force from our marrow and hinder healing, and prevent u s from giving fully of ourselves as the Creator intended.
Comparisons destroy what is Sacred within. Therefore, instead of comparing yourself to another , why not just take a wet leather strap and beat yourself with it? Or beat the one you are comparing yourself with... It's easier to recover from physical abuse then self inflicted or emotionally psychic brutality.

The Blessings your "nemesis" , friend or neighbor now enjoys can also be yours as soon as you are REALLY ready to receive with an open heart all good fortune created just for you. Conversely, it can also aid you in your own healing if you admit that each person's suffering is equal to our own... as each person's suffering is totally individual.

Therefore, dear reader, bless the people you compare yourself too. Bless them for their happiness, their success and their failures and fears. Once we are each able to do this, we will truly begin to experience the abundance of real life and love.

Blessed be.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Book Signing Today


I will be at Bookmans, on Country club in Mesa AZ, signing copies of my new book Shadows of Love. Due to health issues, I will not be reading today but will be there to chat and talk about writing and poetry. There will be a few hard bound and soft bound copies of the book for sale as well as a few free give aways etc.

I look forward to seeing you there.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Knee Jerk Reactions create nothing but stress, loss, and pain.

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What you do next determines whether you will have a bad day or a good day.

You curse.

You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt.

Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.

After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60.00 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase.

Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home. When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.

Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?

1. Did the coffee cause it?

2. Did your daughter cause it?

3. Did the policeman cause it?

4. Did you cause it?

The answer is number 4. You caused it.

You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have happened:

Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt.

Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "Its ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time." Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus.

She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and have time to greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good a day you are having.

Notice the difference?

Both started the same. Both ended different.

Why?

Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% is determined by your reaction. Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.

If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off. Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them?

WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let this driver ruin your drive? Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.

You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.

The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take outpour frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.

You think you have found something on the Internet regarding someone you love and instead of going to the person and having a discussion you become accusatory, angry, and spiteful and close the door on the relationship... only to find out after it is too late how wrong you really were. Why not let it go and approach it with love instead of judgement and anger and creat the stress and loss?

This is the 90-10 principle. Don't let the 10 percent you can't control determine your day and you life. Take control of the 90% and create the day and life you want. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You have the choice.

It CAN change your Life!!!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Holiness and Loss


Many believe that life situations are cyclical and occur over 7 year periods before change begins anew. If this is true, then this has been my season of Loss. It has, sadly also been the season of loss for our Country and for many of my friends and family.

The sad truth is that if we are alive, we cannot escape loss. Loss is a necessary and very real part of life. To paraphrase Mary Stewart (English Novelist), "have you ever thought, when something dreadful happens, a moment ago things were not like this; let it be THEN not NOW, anything but now? And you try and try to remake THEN, but you know you can't. So you try to hold the moment quite still and not let it move on and show itself."

Today, as I sit and wait for a call back from my primary care physician regarding the status of two of the tests now completed, I am feeling the fear of more loss. Today is a tough day.

Today might be tough for you too. You might not want the next moment to show itself, to reveal the twists and turns of life's mystery; I know I sure as hell don't. But, at least you have it. You and I, we still have LIFE. A choice as to how you will live this precious day.

So, let's not wish this Good Friday away. Let's not waste it. For the love of ALL that is Holy, redeem each hour. Hold it close. Cherish it. Above all be grateful for it. Let this thanksgiving rise above the din of disappointment -- the fear of opportunities lost, mistakes made, the clamor of all that has not yet come. Let is rise above fear, loss, anger, and sorrow.

And if today should prove so horrendous that this gift doesn't seem worth acknowledging; if you can't find one moment to enjoy, one simple pleasure to savor, one friend to call, one person to love, one thing to share, one smile to offer... if life is SO difficult you don't want to bother living it to its fullest, the do not live today for yourself...

Live it for those who are no longer here to enjoy the gift. Live it for family who have gone on to their heavenly reward, for the victims of 9/11, for the laughter of children, or the simple sight of a flower blooming in your garden.

God bless my dear readers. Happy Easter.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Making time



Every individual makes a difference. We cannot live through a single day without making an impact on the world around us. And we all have free choice--what sort of difference do we want to make? Do we want to make the world around us a better place? Or not?

~Jane Goodall~


A dear friend of min was completely infatuated with a man. It was all that she could think and talk about. Yet, every time that she asked him out for coffee or lunch or dinner, it was the same reply. He told her that he would love to go out with her, however, his schedule of work, school and other commitments was just too hectic and it wasn't possible.

In her frustration, she came to me and asked me for advice. She wanted to know how she could creatively help him with some of his responsibilities and free up some commitments so that they could spend time together. When she made this suggestion to me, I sighed deeply and bit my lip. I was searching for a tactful way to break the news to her, yet, she had to understand the real truth... and sometimes that hurts.

'Darlin', when he tells you that he doesn't have time. He has time – what he means is that he doesn't have time for YOU. I suggest that you dress in black for a week and pretend like he is dead, because it isn't going to happen.'

My words seemed to have been a kick to straight to the stomach that sucked all the life out of her.. After a few seconds of silence, she raised her head as she came up for air. "Thanks, Bonnie – I needed to hear that", was her submissive and beaten reply to me. After our conversation, she left and I do believe that although she didn't dress in black for a whole week – she did take my advice and move on. I am sure that both she and the man in question are grateful for that. I saw her a few weeks ago and she was smiling and meeting new people...

You see, I have never seen a woman or a man who is head over heels in interest for someone yet, just can't find time to be with that person. If the interest is there – the time will be there.

In life, you often hear the excuse. "I wish I could – spend more time with my family, start my own business, chase a goal, travel, or volunteer… but, I just don't have the time." The reality as I have learned, un learned, and am relearning is You have the time… you are simply spending it somewhere else. You are a human and will make time for what you see as a priority. The question is – are you prioritizing the correct things. What really means the most to you?

The fact of the matter is we all have the exact same amount of time in a day that Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, Copernicus and da Vinci had. We all have the exact same amount of time in a day that Michael Dell, Bill Gates and Donald Trump have. The question is not – Do you have the time? The question is – How are you spending the time that you do have?

For me, it helped by beginning to keep a journal and log the time you spend everyday. I do this still but i would recommend that you do this for at least two weeks. Track the time you spend getting ready for work, in your automobile, at the office, eating out, reading, in entertainment, watching television, surfing the internet or simply doing nothing. You may be surprised at the amount of time that you spend on unproductive or unimportant matters. It is very often shocking at the time each day that we squander and will never get back. Or spent foolishly instead of investing it wisely in those things which are truly most important to us.

In this day and age of fast paced technology, shift work, etc., life can often become so overwhelming that as we get caught up in the rat race – we are not aware of how we are spending our time. It may be time for a time inventory of your life. First begin by journaling what is most important to you in your life. Then track how your time for two weeks. It could be very eye opening.

Remember you have the same amount of time in a day that Einstein, Henry Ford and da Vinci had. The question is – are you using your time as effectively as they did. Therefore, you have no cause to complain for your lack of time, only your management of that time. Time plays no favorites – it will either be its slave or it will be yours. You make time every day for what you value. What do you value?

Given my recent bouts with cancer, and the loss of so many, I truly know what I value and I intend to make time in whatever time I may have left

blessed be

Thursday, April 14, 2011

The chain is broken... and so am I.


As I face new tests, new problems, future biopsies and possible surgeries, I am remembering my biopsy for my second bout of breast cancer... back in January of 2007. Long after my Doug had left our world and who so greatly loved my nurturing breasts and hated the idea of me being disfigured. How I remember the fear.. despite Tom's encouraging words. But, I had my two youngest with me... and they saw me through...

Memory of The Biopsy, Jan 9, 2007

We were three of the four Pike's
The remaining members of a family legacy
waiting among a shifting set of others in radiology's store-front lobby--one daughter, one son and a mother linked by blood and laughter in spite of one of life's most threatening moments
remembering embarrassing silly moments of our past.

James loved my last one--my funny last one--he's the performer, the comedienne. Thank god, he's mine, feeding me one-liners.
Together, they make me laugh over family times long gone bye.

The baby of the family, Mary, drove me here
carried my x-rays here, and parked the car. She listened to the intake staff, with the aloof attention like her father
but she is strongly a part of me, my watching self.
As she railed against this ridiculous wait,
and tried to breach the impersonal walls of disinterest in our fate.

My thoughts turned to my missing child
My oldest, Doug.
He was first to nurse from this left breast,
that in a space of time
pressed and prodded,and later slicked with gel will echo sound onto a screen to show the probable malignancy.
so the hollow needle can pierce it

I'm going to lose it--the breast--(both of them actually)
and along with it the cancer, too, I hoped.
(is hope a lie if it does not come true?)The receptionist gave us a hard look when we laughed. But for a few hours, we were a shiny chain linked tightly, silvery with a happiness glinting out even in that waiting place of potential loss and doom.

I fingered the necklace I had bought earlier that fall,
touched the curative dragonfly, murmuring "hope"--I wanted to believe in sudden remission,in some way to avert what we are certainly headed for.

I will always remember my daughter's and my son's fingers laced through mine.

Trying to heal me....

(please know that despite the cancer that now runs through me, Mary and James, you did... You did)

You three children, my Jessie bear, and JC, Zavier and how SHY... gave me purpose... you were my reason.

New doctors, new tests, new concerns and growing old ones now loom ahead of me over the course of the next few months... only this time, due to anger, ignorance, lack of communication... and lack of the memories of strength and giving... I will face these alone.

The chain is broken... and so am I.


"Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which you can walk with love and reverence."
~ Henry David Thoreau

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Mantra Walks


The Universe is once again handing me out a plateful and additional stress is being piled on faster than I can even attempt to swallow it. From the news that the thyroid (what is left of it) has a mass on it, to the kidneys starting to malfunction, to the cost of gas heading quickly to 4 dollars per gallon (guess we will soon be deciding whether to eat or go to work), to the loss of the love (if I ever really had it which retrospect is slowly making me realize I did not)of my children, to the illness of friends and mother to.... well you get the gist.. something that most of us are dealing with in some fashion almost daily now and it does take the toll on our spirit.

Most of my readers know that I did not get a driver's license until I was 52 and that was via the dedicated help and belief of my daughter Mary, my friend Maggie, and my friend Tom. They helped me achieve a dream that so many had said I would never do and gave me freedom of unimagined proportions. Prior to that, however, I walked where ever I needed to go and it is during the walking.. a mantra walk is what I now call them, where I meditate, breathe, commune with solitude, and regain perspective. I walk.

Whenever I feel anxious (and frighteningly to some this has occurred at sometimes in the early morning hours just after midnight or sometimes late late evenings) I have been known to literally bolt out of the house (or my office) almost as if I were leaving the scene of a crime. Filled with disappointments, painful memories and often unrealistic expectations of my past -- terrified of what my future holds and the changes that are inevitable-- the only safe place for me is in the present moment with my foot to the pavement or desert earth, the wind on my face, the stars or sun lighting my way, my breath entering and leaving my body. I walk.

You see, not being able to drive gave me a precious knowledge that one of my favorite existentialist writers Henry David Thoreau knew so well: "It requires a direct dispensation from Heaven to become a walker". And though it does my body good, I have never walked for exercise, well not the exercise of the body at least. I walk for my soul and my body just happens to tag along. I walk for a myriad of reasons: to solve a creative problem, to finish that argument with myself or someone else, to saunter and wake up the world around me (now aren't you glad I don't come knocking on your door at 3 am?) and to meditate. This is my fitness of spirit. During these walks I quiet the voices in my head, take long strides, and concentrate on the slow steady rhythm of my breath; comforted by the welcoming interior silence.

When walking my desert paths, my reverie might be broken by the sight of a family of quail, a lone bobcat, a coyote, a road runner, or a jack rabbit. It might be broken by the sight of a blossoming cactus or the smell of desert sage. That is when I again recall Thoreau's words as he complained of walking sometime "without getting there in spirit". I so relate to that because there are times when I am traveling the desert that the thought of some poem or story will run in my head and I am no longer where my body is, I am out of my senses. This is where I have learned to train myself to slowly return my awareness to the simple act of walking for it is here, in the present moment, one step at a time, that I find peace.

Walking is pure meditation and I highly recommend you try it..especially now that the beautiful weather is returning. Take into consideration your preference -- are you a morning person, do you prefer a midday walk or, like me are you someone who loves to walk under the stars? Even if you work in the city, you can break at lunch and walk. No one but you needs know that you have shut out the world and are meditating at you walk down the street. Twenty to thirty minutes a day is all it takes to restore a sense of serenity.

Do not, dear reader, expect to experience immediate transcendence or you will be disappointed when it first seems as if nothing is happening at all. Let go of expectations and life will unfold step by step.

The dogs are waiting for their morning meditation and a star filled sky beckons. Won't you join me

"Turning on my heals
I begin a mantra walk
And breathe a prayer
for his dear sake"
Survive the Shadowstalker ©2002