The Universe is once again handing me out a plateful and additional stress is being piled on faster than I can even attempt to swallow it. From the news that the thyroid (what is left of it) has a mass on it, to the kidneys starting to malfunction, to the cost of gas heading quickly to 4 dollars per gallon (guess we will soon be deciding whether to eat or go to work), to the loss of the love (if I ever really had it which retrospect is slowly making me realize I did not)of my children, to the illness of friends and mother to.... well you get the gist.. something that most of us are dealing with in some fashion almost daily now and it does take the toll on our spirit.
Most of my readers know that I did not get a driver's license until I was 52 and that was via the dedicated help and belief of my daughter Mary, my friend Maggie, and my friend Tom. They helped me achieve a dream that so many had said I would never do and gave me freedom of unimagined proportions. Prior to that, however, I walked where ever I needed to go and it is during the walking.. a mantra walk is what I now call them, where I meditate, breathe, commune with solitude, and regain perspective. I walk.
Whenever I feel anxious (and frighteningly to some this has occurred at sometimes in the early morning hours just after midnight or sometimes late late evenings) I have been known to literally bolt out of the house (or my office) almost as if I were leaving the scene of a crime. Filled with disappointments, painful memories and often unrealistic expectations of my past -- terrified of what my future holds and the changes that are inevitable-- the only safe place for me is in the present moment with my foot to the pavement or desert earth, the wind on my face, the stars or sun lighting my way, my breath entering and leaving my body. I walk.
You see, not being able to drive gave me a precious knowledge that one of my favorite existentialist writers Henry David Thoreau knew so well: "It requires a direct dispensation from Heaven to become a walker". And though it does my body good, I have never walked for exercise, well not the exercise of the body at least. I walk for my soul and my body just happens to tag along. I walk for a myriad of reasons: to solve a creative problem, to finish that argument with myself or someone else, to saunter and wake up the world around me (now aren't you glad I don't come knocking on your door at 3 am?) and to meditate. This is my fitness of spirit. During these walks I quiet the voices in my head, take long strides, and concentrate on the slow steady rhythm of my breath; comforted by the welcoming interior silence.
When walking my desert paths, my reverie might be broken by the sight of a family of quail, a lone bobcat, a coyote, a road runner, or a jack rabbit. It might be broken by the sight of a blossoming cactus or the smell of desert sage. That is when I again recall Thoreau's words as he complained of walking sometime "without getting there in spirit". I so relate to that because there are times when I am traveling the desert that the thought of some poem or story will run in my head and I am no longer where my body is, I am out of my senses. This is where I have learned to train myself to slowly return my awareness to the simple act of walking for it is here, in the present moment, one step at a time, that I find peace.
Walking is pure meditation and I highly recommend you try it..especially now that the beautiful weather is returning. Take into consideration your preference -- are you a morning person, do you prefer a midday walk or, like me are you someone who loves to walk under the stars? Even if you work in the city, you can break at lunch and walk. No one but you needs know that you have shut out the world and are meditating at you walk down the street. Twenty to thirty minutes a day is all it takes to restore a sense of serenity.
Do not, dear reader, expect to experience immediate transcendence or you will be disappointed when it first seems as if nothing is happening at all. Let go of expectations and life will unfold step by step.
The dogs are waiting for their morning meditation and a star filled sky beckons. Won't you join me
"Turning on my heals
I begin a mantra walk
And breathe a prayer
for his dear sake"
Survive the Shadowstalker ©2002
