In the Natural Order of Life, Most of Us Will Live to See Our Mother's Die...

In the natural order of life, women (and men) live to see their mothers die.  As inevitable as that event may be, it is still an especially traumatic and complex loss for a woman. Whether her relationship with her mother was close and loving, distant or distressed, death stirs deep emotional responses which may be difficult to manage or resolve.

My mother, Mary Carr Breuilly, left this world one year ago today, November 9, 2013…  The news of her passing came not from my sister but from friends who had ensured that I was kept up to date on her health and happiness despite the distance that kept me so far away.  Sadly I learned that her happiness was lost when she was placed into a nursing home… a fate she had dreaded all her life.  I learned this from so many of her old friends and neighbors… I wish my sister had called.  I would have brought her to be with me.

I live with that knowledge now, daily, and grieve even more the loss of her and the loss to so many.

How I wish I had been with you

Whispering words that would soothe,
To guide you gently to that door.
So I could give you the confidence
Of the relief I know you now find there,
The solace and comfort of your next adventure,
The shedding of your once beautiful shell,
Delicate now in all the years and gravity,

How precious you will always be to me,
And how life will embrace you again,
Glorious journey of curiosity and glimmering,
Shining hope of another journey.

The heart of a now broken family

My beautiful mother,

My once-upon-a-time,
Savior of my perseverance.
Today, though far away,

Let me quietly sing to you of
What I know you have now found

The  Light,
The gateway to the Next.

I love you Mom. Be at Peace

We will all be together again

One day, soon.

One day, soon.

The impact of a mother’s death ripples through several circles of an individual’s life.

The loss can be felt in a number of ways, from practical to emotional to spiritual. If the relationship was close, the loss of emotional intimacy is profound. If the relationship was ambivalent or troubled, researchers say, unresolved feelings of anger or frustration may become stronger and more disturbing after the mother’s death.

 Typically, a woman/man must deal not only with her/his own reactions to a mother’s death, but also those of the family. Women and men often are expected to be a source of strength for all in the grieving process. He/she has lost a mother. If he/she has children, they have lost a grandmother. The quality of these and other relationships may have varied dramatically, and the survivors’ needs may be quite different.

 If the mother was an integral part of her daughter’s/son’s family life—cooking, caring for children or helping family members get along with each other—then the loss may be crippling for the family as a whole. The child care crisis may threaten the family’s financial stability. Rifts among family members may worsen without the matriarchal “glue” that once smoothed them over.

 A person may find their closest relationships unsettled by the loss, as well. For instance, a common response for some (this included me) is greater involvement in work and other external interests.

Another person may more often turn inward. He/she may struggle through a range of emotions and may, for periods, lose interest in routine or outside interest.

Grief has no prescribed timetable; normal mourning moved through endless forms.

Regardless of the nature of the loss, it presents and often demands an opportunity for emotional growth and self-knowledge. And, I know that my mother is with her beloved husband Ed Breuilly, her sisters and friends…

I hope my journey to meet them is not too long…  I miss her… all of them… so very much.

Heaven has another sweet angel… I miss you mom.

As I journey toward life's sunset
Mourning her who went before
Faith assures me, I'll be with her
When I reach the other shore.