Roseanne Roseannadanna (played by the imcomprable Gilda Radner on Saturday Night Live oh so long ago) always said "its always something" and of course she was right.
Sometimes its a simple problem, a damned nuisance, or its soul shattering and life altering. But, it is always something and that is called Real Life.
Shortly after Gilda left Saturday Night live, her goal was to create a life for herself and her new husband Gene Wilder. For well over a decade she had been a workaholic and she felt she had watched life spin by. After falling in love with Gene, she realized the pleasures of slowing down and smelling the roses. By the time they married in 1984, she had decided to pursue her goal of becoming a writer and bid adieu to her acting/comedic life. Just as she began to write her first book which was entitled Portrait of The Artist as a Housewife (a collection of poems, stories and prosody celebrating domesticity and the humor inherent to micro wave ovens and backed up commodes), life grabbed her attention... harshly. She was dianoged with ovarian cancer and in the process, a much grittier book emerged... It's "Always Something", a defiantly irreverent moving memoir (which I have read many times these past 4 years).
Just like other women who struggle with the life threatening illness, Gilda mourned "my lost joy, my happiness, my exhileration with life." The day before her diagnosis, life stretched before her offering limitless possibilities. The moment after being told she had cancer, life's dimensions shrank to twenty four hour stretches... a fact every cancer patient comes to understand.
The truth is we go around thinking that real life is about adding a rec room to the basement, buying our first house, getting that new position, having that big HD TV but the truth is that is NOT about real life. Cancer, now that is real life. When you accept cancer, it is as if new systems within the organism automatically open -- like the oxygen masks that automatically drop into your lap on a 747 in an emergency. When you walk the earth with borrowed time, no matter how long that winds up being, each day on the calendar is a beloved friend you know for only a short time. The Present truly becomes a gift.
Can someone please tell me why we must find a lump in our breast or find out a PSA test is high before this occurs? Do any of my readers know because I sure as hell don't!
However, the one thing cancer has done for me (and to others I know and have known) is to allow me the right to start saying "no!" and to create boundaries and finally put down committment burdens without guilt (despite others who may try to make you feel guilty). Now I can ransom back my life.
Yes, it is always something but it doesn't ALWAYS have to have your name on it. That is why my prayer for my children, my grandchildren, my friends is that you never find a lump or get a high PSA and that, not matter what, you NEVER squander or surrender another precious day for ANY reason.
And if you, like me or my Tom, have already found your lump or your high PSA, I pray you will grow whole and old in joy, peace, and grace, gifting us and the world for many years with your wisdom, laughter, and love.
God knows we need it.
Blessed be.
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