Christmas IS about presents

One of my favorite booke is Louisa May Alcott's "Little Women". After my Mary became a teenager, I often felt that the main character, Jo, reminded me of her; strong, quick to anger, quick to forgive, caring, nurturing, feisty and highly intelligent. In this book Jo is quoted as saying "Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents"... She states this during what was a major civil war and when money let alone food was hard to come by. Even then, Christmas was about gifts and it always has been. As uncomforable as this may make us feel with all of the emphasis on gimme, gimme,gimme; buy, buy, buy, or charge, charge, charge, it is a sad fact of our world... even many of those who are not Christian have adopted Christmas in some form with this exact idea in mind; Christmas is about presents.

So, you, like me probably admonish our children to remember the reason for the season, even though we apparently have difficulty remembering it ourselves while we are caught up in the chaos, the materialism, the commercialism (to paraphrase Charlie Brown) of Christmas.

So, today, I am meditating on the Real role of gifts in the Christmas story (and no, I do not mean a fringed lampshade sitting on a net stockinged base). I am talking about those gifts that were wrapped in miracles, which is probably why we will never find them in malls, or on line, or in a catalog...

The first gift was the gift of Spirit, also known as unconditional love.

The second gift came from a young Jewish girl named Miriam; she gave the gift of selflessness. She completely surrendered her ego and will which was needed to bring Heaven down to earth.

Then we have the gifts of her fiance/husband Joseph which were trust and faith. He trusted Mary when she said she had not laid with another man and he believed in the divine plan that was sent to get them through what was truthfully one horrid mess.

The Christ child brought the gifts of forgiveness, second chances, and wholeness; repair.

The choir of angels brought the gifts of comfort, joy and peace as well as the reassurance that there was nothing to fear. They brought a reason to be joyful.

The poor little shepherd boys gift was generosity as the only thing he had to give was (no not a drum song) his favorite lamb.

The innkeepers wife gave gifts of compassion and charity in the form of a dry safe place for a homeless family to stay, her best cover to wrap the new born baby in and a meal for the family and hay for their beast of burden who had carried them all that way.

Then there were the three kings from the east who had followed a bright star in search of a royal birth that sages of yore had said would lead them to the birth place of the King of Kings. On their camels backs were treasures with which to honor the baby's arrival. But when they arrived they were NOT led to a palace. They found this newborn prince in of all places a cow stall. How shocked these Wise Men must have been as they unwrapped their gold, frankincense, and myrrh... expensive gifts to be sure. But their real gifts were pricelss as they were wonder, acceptance, and courage. They offered wonder by surrendering logic, reason, and common sense. Accepting the impossible, they suspended skepticism long enough to double cross the insane King Herod who was frantically searching for the child who it was said would change the world. And, with courage, at the risk of their own lives, these Wise Men helped the young family escape to a safe haven in Egypt until the danger had passed.

Oh yes, Christmas is truly about gifts. It is nothing but gifts. But oh such wonderous gifts. Gifts tied not with bows but with heartstrings. Gifts that surprise and delight long after the newness or the "battteries" wear out. Gifts that nurture the souls of both the giver and the given. Perfect, authentic, soul driven, gifts. The gifts of Spirit all wrapped up in a frightened teenage girl, her bewildered boyfriend, a child, angels, a shepherd boy, an inkeepers wife and Three Kings. The gifts of the Magi.

Unconditional Love.
Selflessness
Trust
Faith
Forgiveness
Wholeness
Second Chances
Comfort
Joy
Peace
Reassurance
Rejoicing
Generosity
Compassion
Charity
Wonder
Acceptance
Courage.

These are the gifts I long to give and to receive this year. Yes the economy is hard and money tight.. and the gimmees are still running wild. But to give such gifts as these... to truly open our hearts to receive such gifts gratefully is the gift the Universe offers to all of us, no matter what our religious belief.

Christmas just won't be Christmas without any presents... How right you were little Jo...

Amen

Blessed be.

Life is an illusion?

I have been awake since 4 am today, despite the fact that I do not have to be at work, but the muse has struck and thoughts are racing. I have been thinking about the loss of control in my life ... and then fall back on what I have always said: Control is an illusion.

Illusions, once like one of my favorite spy characters from WWI Mata Hari, are the concious mind's double agents. The ego does not like to think that anybody, especially our own selves, can do it better than it can. So the ego seduces the rational mind into believing those things that help us make it through the day -- that this time he will stop drinking, that the children are just going through a phase, that the economy is improving, that the unworkable will work if you will just try a little bit harder. Now, maybe all of this is true. But if its not, and in my case I learned it was not, then you are setting yourself up for the double cross. When the subterfuge succeeds, the master illusion, the minds double spy, moves in for the kill, convinding you that life can be manipulated.

Well, surprise, it can't. A few weeks go smoothly, at home or at work, and suddenly we secretly succumb to the lure of THINKING we can control relationships and/or the course of events. We line everything up in perfect order so that, through sheer force of will, we will be at the right place at the right time. But when we become ADDICTED to thinking we can control another person's behavior or a particular outcome, we're as vulnerable as a crack addict who thinks this his, this fix, will be the last.

High on determination, we assume we can handle the day, the deal, the deadline, the death of a spouse, the cancer, the growing pains of family, if we can just keep everything under control. When reality strikes and we realize we can't we spin dangerously out of control and into a nosedive. As Melanie Beattie reminds us in The Language of Letting Go: "Whatever we try to control does have control over us and our life".

And while some may choose to walk away from the wreck, we are often more upset by the loss of the illusion than by the reality of the rubble. The good news here is that we CAN pick up the pieces and salvage the best of a bad situation, but NOT until we become aware and accept the fact that we have unconciously betrayed ourselves.

You can never lose something if you never had it to begin with. I have learned this hard lesson in the last few months to the nth degree. You were NEVER in control nor will you ever be. Let go of the illusion so you can cut your losses and move on. Acceptance of the inevitable, as difficult and painful as it is today, is the first step to inner peace... that is the trade off.

Today, trade a life that you have tried to control and you will receive in return something better; a life that is manageable and real.

Blessed be.

LET GO OF THE FOLLY AND GLIMMER

At this time of year, our attentions are more often turned to those things which we do not have...rather than what we do. The season of want is upon us and by that I mean the season of non stop shopping. Thanksgiving is only just behind us but long before we were planning our dinners, setting our tables, and really giving thanks, stores, newspapers, and commercials were blasting Christmas and want all over the place. Now, it is black Friday and the four hurried, frenzied, chaotic, often angry filled weeks of shopping are ahead... but where is Christmas?

How many of us believe that if we head out to the malls today that it will do our souls good? Time for a reality check? As we were all counting our blessings yesterday how many of us actually focused on them and were not simply giving a rudimentary form of lip service to the "season"? Money is going to have to buy a lot this season and as our economy worsens, this may be the "new norm", however, it can NEVER buy the gifts that count the most: good health, a loving supportive marriage/relationship, healthy children and grandchildren, the fulfillment of creative expressions, a general love of nature, good friends or inner peace. How often do we forget this? No, it is NOT because we are ungrateful but because we get distracted by the folly and glimmer of "life".

NOW is the time to remember. What if the Universe suddenly gave you a choice? You are guaranteed all of the afore mentioned gifts (blessings) but you cannot have that new house or 42 inch TV? Or you were granted those material things but literally throw the dice to determine life's blessings? What would you choose? For me, this option has been brought to me several times... and though I may not have the best of health etc... I am glad that I have been blessed and that a fancy home, material things, and status mean nothing to me.

So today, as I watch the beginning of a new dawn, I am meditating on the blessing of health. Heaven knows we cannot buy it but it can sure put us into a world of debt don't you agree? Sadly good health is NOT for sale. Health is a priceless gift from God that most of us take for granted until we become sick. So today, take a moment to ponder and realize that even if you have nothing else, if you have your health you are wealthy indeed. If you have a healthy heart, healthy mind, and reserves of energy and stamina as well as creative energy and the ability to see beauty in all things, the world is literally lying at your feet. Where there is life, there is hope.

As I continue to battle cancer and other health issues, I am reminded that health is NOT just the absence of sickness. To me, good health is vitality, vigor, high energy, emotional equalibrium, mental clarity,and physical endurance. These are the gifts I pray for.

So this morning, I will take my vitamins (lots of those now), thank God for the health I do enjoy and ask for more. If there is only one spiritual lesson I can give to you today, it is to ask. Then believe

Ask and you shall receive. Ask and be specific and if you don't get it well at least you tried and the Universe is holding that request for just the right time.

Blessed be.

My Course Is Set For Avalon

The past three months have proven some of the most difficult and yet most enlightening of my 54+ years.  Three months ago, the anger that has snaked through this family like a cobra always ready to spring, sank its fangs into me... and so far it has cost me the laughter, joy and love of a very special little one and time with my children.  One child has even gone so far as to call me a deviant and, after years of giving everything I had and of him telling others of what a hard working, strong mother I was... to calling me an abuser.

I have been called a liar regarding cancers that ravage a body (despite the fact two of the children have been present at various doctors visits and surgeries in the past) and was recently questioned if I was even in a hospital (which I was) where they admitted me for a suspected heart attack..(an angiogram shows variant angina and eventually a stent may be required)  I had neighbors and friends who had to aid me a bit in this area as well as a social worker involved, named Casey, who had to contact my employer so I would not lose my job.  There have been no lies.. .just me wrapping myself in protective cocoons and trying to protect others, perhaps badly, from my own truths.

I was told by this same child that I needed to see a therapist (despite the fact I have been in counseling for over three years which is probably one of the reasons I have had the strength to make the decisions I have made for MY benefit instead of everyone elses)... If that has made me appear selfish??  I am so sorry, but I want to be healthy and happy and stress free... just for a little while and I am trying with everything I have to be so. I want to stick around for a little while longer and to do that I have to release some old programs, old angers... and old hopes.

I have gone to Oak Creek to walk with the spirit of my husband, my lover, and their father... and chose to leave this now in his hands and the hands of the Universe.  I cannot heal any of this.. and I am trying so hard just to heal me.

I am preparing to battle yet again to try to clear the liver of heavy metal deposits which caused a form of cirrhosis due to far too many blood transfusions... and at times, today, while at work, I kept thinking... why do I keep trying? 

I guess the anwser to my question is that the Univers will provide each of us with all the time we need to find ourselves and even when it is time for us to part company, when my journey takes me to another path with new discoveries I need to make of my own, I will not be alone. None of us travels alone. Each of us has a purpose.

Someone who loves you and me, unconditionally, is at the helm of each of our spiritual ships.  Divine Love sustains each of us, surrounds us, enfolds us, protects us. So let us each go in peace. We are as ready as we ever will be, well equipped for the adventures and trials awaiting here and in that great Universe.  Divine substance -- the only true Reality -- wil provide for each of us abundantly, if we but ask.

That is the difficult lesson I had to learn these past couple of years... that I had to ask.  Ask for help, guidance, Grace. Ask for the Power to be "switched on" Ask to catch the "Flow"  Ask to soar like the eagles on high, float like the beautiful butterly or dart, gracefully like the gossamer winged and oh so delicate dragonfly (my spiritual totem).

I had to learn to Ask. Ask. Ask.  Then I had to learn to listen and in some cases accept the fact that the Universe had something to teach me and maybe it would not come about as I had hoped... but it would come.

I began by asking for respite from the crisis that were occuring within and without.  In so doing, as the Buddhists teach, I had to surrender myself to the suffering, the sorrow, and the pain.  I have had to learn to surrender my expectations.  I have had to ask to be surprised by joy and beauty... and simplicity.

Then I had to remember the greatest thing of all... I had to remember to give thanks.  I have had to learn to live with patience (and that is so had for any of us to do).  I had to let myself see small miracles and beauty and to get excited again.  I had to learn to open my arms as wide as I could to receive all of the miracles with my name on them that the Universe is waiting to over each and every one of us in moments of true need.

I have had to return to the simple, creative, and practical path full of joyful simplicities whch await to be revealed in small moments;  like the laughter of my granddaughter, the smile of my grandson, the voices of my children, the playful antics of the neighborhood children, the loving support of good neighbors and friends, the strength and wisdom of Tom, the memories of love with my Doug, the comfort of two little shihtzus on my lap as I cryin pain and fear, the gift of continued love and friendships that keep me warm and stop me from falling or quitting.

I have had to remember NOT to forget that life's path is truly a spiral and when I get stuck to look out at the wide vista, like the beautiful painted desert Tom first showed to me and two years ago we shared with our little Jessica, and see how far I really have traveled.  For during those parts of each of our journeys, when only the far horizon in in sight, then simple joys become an absolute carnival of contentment. 

Simple joys and wonderful memories, become parts of a small but sturdy vessel, strong enough to withstand the most violent of storms. The triangular sails have been spiritually designed to take advantage of the invisible winds blowing from either side of real life -- through the darkness and the light where this playful shadow will always be moving in and out for all eternity.

Do you and I have everything we need for our journies?  I believe we do.  No, I am sure we do.  I have my "treasure map" my ships logbook (you are reading a part of that now), and a somewhat wiser and even more loving heart to act as my compass.  It will help me (as will yours) to determine latitude and longitude of longing.  I will check it every day, trusting me to keep me stready and on the mark.  Use your own compass as well for I believe that Love will never fail me or you.

Then believe... Believe in yourself as I must believe in myself.  Believe in the ONE who believe in you.  All things are possible to those who believe.  Belief and love will be the very things that bless you with courage.  Trust me for I know how true this is.

I have learned to navigate life by the stars... for I have had two dominants ones in my lifetime (one now walks arm and arm with Orion, the constellation which sits directly over my humble house every morning around 3:00 am watching over me, and the earth bound one which the AUniverse sent to me to help me make it through this difficult part of the journey. As well as one precious twinkling one that, for now, remains just out of reach but always in my heart and soul.  Search the heavens for your star.  Kep on the look out for soulful markers. They really do surround us all of the time.

The remember, we are not our bodies, we are our souls. The soul's awakening is gratitude!  The soul's sernity is order and harmony. The soul's passion is beauty. The soul's true purpose is joy.

How blessed I have been to know life...

I pray that your journey, dear reader, will be a long one.  I want each of you to savor the stops along the way for they make the search, the seeking, marvelous, meaningful, and memorable. Ihope that you find and honor your own peace.

As for me, I know there are still harbors to be seen for the first time.  I know I am headed for a special place I have never been before.  I will walk my path with my head and my thoughts held high.  I will allow my personal passions to stir my mind, my body, and my spirit.

My course is set for Avalon.  Legend has it that once you reach her shores, you will never be the same person.  When I find this sacred isle, I will be able to remember what I have always known.  I will disvoer the person I have always been. I will no longer see things as they are, but I will see them as I am; a part of the divine. A part of the essence of life itself.  Through the parting of the mists where doubt and faith meet, I will see the self and soul made visible. And I will see each of you in its mystical waters and watch my children grow and play, watching all of your journies and awaiting your arrival.

I wish all of your a long and wonderful jouney and this time of Thanksgiving and love begins.

I love you.

Blessed be