A gone bye era,,, where did the magic go?

This Halloween will be a sad and lonely night... primarily due to the fact that I am kept from that one piece of sunshine whom I have spent the last 12 Halloweens with... helping her with make up and then last year I even got to go trick or treating with her.  It was still magical. 

Then too, it appears from my past six years here that not many children came out in this neighborhood, they were already diminishing in my Pensacola neighborhood the year I said goodbye,  but I have grown despondently used to the lack of their presence and laughter in our society.  It is so sad because I can recall in years gone by the happiness and joy of children on this special night... now there is so much darkness, distrust and fear.   I remember small town Halloween parties, barn parties, street parties... receiving homemade popcorn balls and caramel apples and hot spiced cider.  I remember bobbing for apples, playing the lifesaver game with a toothpick and hoping it would drop at just the right moment for a quick touch of lips with that special boy, hayrides and cuddling and a bonfire with the smell of fall leaves all around.  I remember. 

I remember the parties I gave my three children.  A lot of work but oh the fun.  We made the paper a couple of times with our decorations and the adults would line our home stairwell just to partake in the festivities and the ghouls dinner that always closed the night.   We lived on the Navy base and people came in just to visit with us that night...  I had hoped to  do this type of party one last time for all of my grandchildren... just one more time to let them see what this special night was truly meant to be.  That too is something now that can never be.

So tonight, around 8:30 p.m.,  I shall step outside on the patio under the stars... prepare a small fire... light my candles and incense and perform my yearly rituals.  I shall send a letter to that special one who is on another plane now, whose loss in my soul has not decreased even after  twelve years...  I shall drink a toast with my best wine to all those I love who have gone on before, Uncle Bill, my "father" Ed Breuilly, Tom McCloud, Eric Lemieux, Lucy, Harry, Mrs. Rodden, Aunt Nellie, Aunt Margaret, Uncle Jack,  Uncle Harold,Aunt Ann, Aunt Katie, Aunt Sophie, Jimmy Ugorek, Bobby Klepper, Rodney and others whom I miss dearly and ask their blessings for my future as I let go of this year's past mistakes, loss, and pain, which have been numerous...  I shall wish upon the brightest star and let the love of the Universe once again fill my heart... and I shall thank the goddess for the rebirth...

I shall pray for just enough... just enough money to pay my bills, just enough life left to serve my purpose, just enough love to cover the hearts who still need me, just enough joy to share with a stranger, just enough strength to get up one more day, just enough...  just enough...

This makes my 12th year without my beloved Doug...  and my first year totally alone...  I pray this coming year will be less difficult and filled with laughter, love, and prosperity, for me, my family, my friends and all those I love so very much.

Happy Samhain

blessed be

bonnie

"The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience."
Emily Dickenson