Third Drawing Ending Soon

Shadows of Love will be holding its third drawing for a give away from the on line store at shadowsoflove.com. Head over to shadowsoflove.com, navigate to the contest tab and submit your form today. Good luck and happy reading.

Burnt Offerings

My candle burns at both its ends
It will not last the night
But oh my foes
And oh my friends
It does give a wondrous light. ~ Edna St Vincent Millay

I realized last night, as I lay in bed, the pain from the cancer, the kidney problems and the electrolyte imbalance that has turned my legs against me, that I am totally burned out physically. Worse yet, due to unresolved family issues, missing my granddaughter Jessica more then words can tell, working at a job I hate and pays so little while gas and food prices rise, I am emotionally and spiritually exhausted as well.
I am officially burned out. I am out of balance. I am struggling NOT to give up.

Burn out often begins with illness. I was discussing this exact same fact with the mother of my neighbor the other day as her daughter Karen currently battles illnesses of her own. It can begin with anything from a bout of flu you cannot shake, to shingles, to cancer, and it is generally accompanied by depression . Sometimes burnout can be mistaken for a creative dry spell, particularly if you are in denial which up until last night I think I was.

Last night I realized that I suffer from first degree burn out. Not the kind of burn out that manifests itself simply as a sense of exhaustion at the completion of a project that has taken months or years of challenging intense work . If that were the case then taking a few days off from work to rest and then begin anew at a somewhat slower pace (which I have tried) would be enough to bring about a speedy recovery. No, I have first degree burn out -- the soul snuffer -- which has come from living unbalanced for years when what was supposed to be a temporary situation becomes a lifestyle.

I am burned out. Its burnout when you go to bed exhausted every night and wake up tired every morning because no amount of sleep refreshes you month after weary month. Its burnout when EVERY thing becomes too much effort from simply combing my hair to going out to dinner, visiting friends or even going on vacation (which I have basically refused to do this year). Its burn out when you believe that you will never want to be hugged again under any circumstances or when you find yourself cranky all the time, bursting into tears or (I have not reached this point yet thankfully) going into fits of rage at the slightest provocation.

I am burned out... terrified at the next phone call. Feeling trapped and helpless, unable to experience pleasure, dream, or simply be content. Lately neither big thrills (the publishing of my new book) or little moments (my beloved sunsets) have the power to move me. Since last May, nothing satisfied and I have no clue on how to fix it.

I am burned out and realized last night that there is not one person on this earth who can or really wants to help. I realized what a waste in total my life truly has been and despite trying to leave a positive mark on this world.. I have left nothing.

Burnt offerings
Burned to a crisp
Burned beyond recognition
Burned alive
Burned out.

Trying to set the world on fire, to be there for everyone, to wear your heart on your sleeve definitely comes with risks. Unfortunately we seldom see it until smoke gets in our eyes and creates even more loss and confusion.

My little brother chatted with me a bit last night.. a warm light in an ice crystal coffin... and told me to come there to live and get out of this shit. No can do little brother... my Doug rests and walks here... my Jessie bear is here... this is where my spirit too will abide.

New doctors are entering my life... old ones are leaving or being dispatched. New problems have been found but old ones remain unresolved. It is too much. It is too much.

Daughter, You Are Loved

Daughter, You Are Loved
For Mary Kristene

When the road seems too long
When darkness sets in
When everything turns out wrong
And you can't find a friend
Remember ~ you are loved

When smiles are hard to come by
And you're feeling down
When you spread your wings to fly
And can't get off the ground
Remember ~ you are loved.

When time runs out before you're through
And it's over before you begin
When little things get to you
And you just can't win
Remember ~ you are loved.

When your loved ones are far away
And you are on your own
When you don't know what to say
When you're afraid of being alone
Remember ~ you are loved.

When your sadness comes to an end
And everything is going right
May you think of your family and friends
And keep their love in sight
A thank-you for being loved.

May you see the love around you
In everything you do
And when troubles seem to surround you
May all the love shine through
You are blessed ~ you are loved.

Courage - Fear

I have been re-reading one of my favorite classical pieces of literature written by one of my favorite authors/poets Emily Bronte. Can you guess which of her works, written in her far too short a life span I so enjoy? Yep, Wuthering Heights but then, sadly, it was her only novel which she initially had to write under a masculine pseudonym. Ever since I first picked up her novel at the wise old age of 8, I have been in love with Emily's writings and of those of her sisters Charlotte and Anne. Oft times, in my turbulent teenage years, I felt a close kinship with this talented women.

Emily Bronte has become mythologized both as an individual and as one of the Bronte sisters. She has been cast as Absolute Individual, as Tormented Genius, and as Free Spirit Communing with Nature; the trio of sisters–Charlotte, Emily, and Anne–have been fashioned into Romantic Rebels, as well as Solitary Geniuses. However, although, I love her novel and will probably read it again several times throughout my remaining years, it is her poetry that I cling to and most admire. Her poem "No Coward's Soul is Mine" (also her last poem) it etched permanently in my own heart and sees me through many a difficult time... as fear has often been my constant companion.

No coward soul is mine,
No trembler in the worlds storm-troubled sphere:
I see Heavens glories shine,
And faith shines equal, arming me from fear.


O God within my breast.
Almighty, ever-present Deity!
Life -- that in me has rest,
As I -- Undying Life -- have power in Thee!


Vain are the thousand creeds
That move mens hearts: unutterably vain;
Worthless as withered weeds,
Or idlest froth amid the boundless main,


To waken doubt in one
Holding so fast by Thine infinity;
So surely anchored on
The steadfast Rock of immortality.


With wide-embracing love
Thy Spirit animates eternal years,
Pervades and broods above,
Changes, sustains, dissolves, creates, and rears.


Though earth and man were gone,
And suns and universes ceased to be,
And Thou wert left alone,
Every existence would exist in Thee.


There is not room for Death,
Nor atom that his might could render void:
Thou -- Thou art Being and Breath,
And what Thou art may never be destroyed.

Emily Bronte, as do we all, knew dark moments, but in that darkness she had learned to trust a Power greater than her own and to understand that power would never leave her. This universal Love was so transformative that she wrote to her sister, Charlotte, that "it changes, sustains, dissolves, creates and rears as it leads." This steadfast Love/Faith endowed her with courage and confidence as her singular great novel was rejected by one publisher after another. It saw her through as she was rejected by father, aunt, brother... and finally by life itself.

Life can be quite the adversary can't it? However it is also exciting, exacting, beautiful and wonderfilled and it is in constant change. Love and faith are often times the only constant particularly when days are filled with doubt and fear. Love and faith will transform your life in countless ways. Family and friends may not notice the changes initially or, may in fact, not even like them... however you will know, deep within, that miracles are taking place. Growth and miracles.

Love sustains me and you when passion's path takes unexpected twists and turns. Love will dissolve your fears by creating opportunities you could not have imagined before you began the search to discover and recover your own true self. Then, when doubt, despair, and denial threaten to dismantle your dreams, as it has done to me so often, but particularly over these last 8 months with the loss of my beloved Granddaughter (removed from my life by ignorance),Love still comes to my defense. It is during these moments when I feel most frightened and alone and fragile that I become very still and let Love guide me.

Try it the next time you feel frightened and fragile. Still your mind and become motionless and, if you do, you might feel the tip of an angel's wing brush against your shoulder.

Emily Bronte was so right.. No Coward's Soul Is Mine. Reluctantly but gratefully, I have come to realize that this feeling of fear that has always been my constant companion, is God's way of telling me to ask for grace and Power. So join me as I take a deep breath, seek my quiet center, and push on. One of the hardest lessons I have yet to master is accepting that all fear comes from within however major are the real life's problems assaulting me.

Sometimes, the closer we get to giving our dream to the world, the harder the struggle becomes to bring it forth. I wonder why this is so? Perhaps it is because we know that we will be permanently changed. That life can never return to the way it once was. No wonder I (and your dear reader) asre scared; we wouldn't be sane if we were not.

Oh but how many glorious, exquisite dreams has Heaven mourned because the dreamer, weary, discouraged, despairing, relied only on his or her own strength and could do no more?

Today, as fear once again tries to overwhelm me, I will remember that courage is fear that has said her prayers. Dreams are gifts sent by the Universe to alter us. Trust that this same great Power that gifted you with your dreams, passions, and love will help you make them all come true.

"I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas. They've gone through and through me like wine through water and altered the color of my mind." Amen Emily Bronte. Amen.

New Designs now Available at ShadowsofLove.com

http://www.cafepress.com/ShadowsofLove has brand new designs. Choose from T-shirts, Hoodies, Tank Tops, Messenger Bags, Tote Bags, Doggie shirts, coffee mugs, water bottles, hoodies etc... All designs are the original work the artist. Happy Shopping and Happy reading.

New Prize Winner from Shadowsoflove.com

Good Sunday Morning Everyone... Want to start the day out by announcing a new winner from ShadowsofLove.com... Alejandrina Chavez was pulled this morning from the contest form database... Congratulation Alejandrina of Mesa AZ!!!. The new contest begins today. Make sure you have your contest form in. Go to Shadows of Love.com and submit today. Good luck and happy reading!!!

Our aspirations ARE our possibilities. Follow me... follow me in the dance of shadowplay!

I am a writer... and primarily a poet and in truth, I have been such since the day someone first placed a pencil in my hand. I truly cannot remember a time when, if given space and time, that I did not write and then, when I stop to think, I realize that even when I am not given time, my soul and my subconscious continue to write without my even being present. It is during these times that I find myself feeling a lack and find stress building to almost unbearable proportions. Yesterday was one such day when stress overwhelmed me as the needs of another, health issues, financial issues etc. stole precious time and energy and left me "screaming" inside. Why, I wondered. Why?

Cicely Isabel Fairfield, known to the world as Rebecca West, one of our greatest 20th century women writers, once stated that " it is the soul's duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon itself to its master passion." If you research some of the great creative and powerful women of our time, you will find that they found or made time to pursue their creative needs. Isak Dinesen loved arranging flowers. Katherine Hepburn knitted during long stretches on movie sets. Queen Victoria, whom most view as severe, austere, and powerful filled dozens of sketchbooks with delightful watercolors of her children that reveal a true glimpse into who this woman really was when she was not ruling an empire.

Georgia O'Keefe, whose work I have come to appreciate more and more, once quipped "I can't live where I want to... I can't go where I want to... I can't do what I want to. I can't even say what I want to. I decided I was a very stupid fool not to at least pain as I wanted to... that seemed to be the only thing I could do that didn't concern anybody but myself." To this I respond "Oh Yes!!!!" as my soul calls to my mind, calls to pen, calls to paper, calls to words, calls to.... to me. All of us are rather proud of ourselves for having slipped creative work in there between the domestic chores and obligations. However, in retrospect, i am not quite so sure if we deserve such a big gold star for this.

The house still calls to me. Family and friends (thank the Universe) still call to me. My job, unfortunately but gratefully, still calls to me. So too does a poem call to me almost every day. The problem is I am often listening to everybody else and not my own true nature or needs. Sound familiar? Ever wonder why?

Maybe it is because we have convinced ourselves that we really do not have the time for personal pursuits that bring us contentment if it takes more than 15 minutes out of our day? Perhaps we are afraid to acknowledge the promptings of our creative selves who wants to learn to dance, draw, paint, play the guitar, re-upholster a chair or plant a garden? How many of us have gone so far as to take a class, buy a book, a pad and pens, a leotard, a plant, fabric, or a new kind of marinade with that little, nasty internal critic whispering every step of the way..I have to be practical.

We blame our inability (which in effect I have come to understand is an outright refusal) to follow our creative selves on things outside of ourselves. Our missed longings will have to wait until the children are back in school, when Mom's feeling better, when the economy improves. Wrong! Be honest and admit that until you put yourself on that list of priorities and admit that pursuing your dreams is essential to soulful happiness and peace, that you will never truly be complete. Now, notice, that I did not say that you should put yourself first on this list of priorities... just that you should be on that list.

One of my favorite writers, Mary Ann Evans, knew how to be practical about her passion for writing. She once stated that "It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good and we must hunger after them". Oh did Mary Ann hunger and she satiated that hunger by assuming a man's pen name so that her novels would be published in an age that totally discounted the authentic longings of a woman. You may well know some of the novels she wrote..."Silas Marner" and " The Mill on the Floss". Her pen name? George Eliot.

I may never be able to paint like Georgia O'Keefe but I do find splendor in bare bones and desert sands, as well as flowers... but I can and will certainly follow her example, to carve out time for rewarding reveries that acquaint each of us with our creative selves and give us a glimpse of our true journey and path. I know, without a doubt that my writing is my truth North... I will store up reservoirs of calm and content so that later I may draw on them when the source is not there but the need so overwhelming..much like yesterday. I must, as we all must dear reader, learn to satiate my hunger.

Space and time to nurture my creativity is not a silly want. It is an authentic need necessary for my health and well being. Oft times we think that only food, drink, work, sex, shopping, or pills can reduce the gnawing hunger to a dull throb. I know this is not true! But, I do know that if each of us took an hour a day (minimum) to write, plot, paint, garden, throw pots, or to dance, we would not be in pain -- physical or psychic.

Our aspirations ARE our possibilities. Follow me... follow me in the dance of shadowplay!

Second contest ends in two days

Shadows of Love: Two days left before the next drawing for a winner from the Shadowsoflove.com on line store.. Please ensure your entry is in by going to shadowsoflove.com, nagigating to the contest tab and submitting your form today. Browse through the store as new designs are added frequently. We are nearing 1000 sales for the book Shadows of Love. Good luck and Happy Reading.

Hourglass Heirlooms? Eyes that see

Sadly or perhaps gratefully I have at long last reached that awkward stage in life where I cannot see with my glasses on (I wear progressive lenses) or with them off. Therefore, I am constantly carrying them around with me and panic like crazy when I misplace them. (No I will NOT get one of those god awful chains to wear about my neck... I still have some pride you know lol). I have been fortunate not to truly need glasses until now, given the fact that histoplamosis took the vision from my left eye when I was 12... nearly 43 years ago. Therefore, I have always been acutely aware of how precious our ability to see clearly truly it.

A friend of mine, Vickie Stadtler is an extraordinary artist who paints beautiful "muses" out of water color and oil which, in my opinion, are breathtaking in their exquisite detail. Her eyes and hands apprehend a visual catalog of a woman's daily needs with astonishing attention to subtle nuances. Artists especially hold sacred the sense of sight.

"If only we could pull out our brains and use only our eyes to see" said Pablo Picasso. Oh, how I do agree with him. My daughter once quipped to me that where she thought the Grand Canyon was pretty.. it was really nothing more than a hole in the ground. Yet, I never tire of going up there to see the absolute beauty of God's creation or the palette that Nature uses with her shadows of light.

Matisse doubted his own powers of perception and worried that the authenticity of his art was nothing more than a quirk of nature: cataracts. Because he had trouble with his eyesight, he wondered if the unique way of seeing the world which he captured for posterity on canvas in painstaking single brush strokes might be more accident then nature. I beg to differ Sir Matisse... there are no accidents and God guided your hand.

However, when Georgia O'Keefe, a sensual painter of flowers said "in a way nobody sees a flower really, it is so small we haven't the time -- and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time"; I think I finally understood the value of sight.

You see dear reader, it takes time to see and the majority of us do not have the time. Sadly that is the unrelenting truth and it chills me to the soul. The majority of us have been given a miraculous gift; the gift of sight, but we seldom if ever take the time to do more than glance around. We take this wonderful sense for granted. So, today, please take time. Make Time.

Today, REALLY look around at your world. Look at your family, your home, your pets, your co-workers, and the strangers you pass on the street. Smile at EVERYONE you meet because you CAN see them. Never forget that the gift of sight was so important that when this world was created, the first real creation was light in order to see. We need light to cast shadows upon growth and miracles. We need light to see all that is good.

Then we need to be ABLE to see how good it is too.

HOURGLASS HEIRLOOM
Lenses from her bifocals
will be ground into sand.

Then they can sift through a
perpetual glass prison
in an hourglass heirloom.

Upon death,
the living grind glass
and add vision to the timepiece
so the rest of the chain
can see glints of stray light
and insight from
ancient eyes
that flash into
young pupils.

Each contribution
lengthens time
as each old ghost
lends a hand
to the living.
©Bonnie Pike 2001

Moonbeam Fae

Written for My Jessica (8 months without her)

Hopefully,
enough was imparted in you
to plant a fragrant garden
of love and promise.
You are my true angel-seed.
My Morningstar.

This is our spring,
where white lilies
dance at our feet,
and butterflies
kiss our eyelids.

I will hide you in safe places
where the sun shines through
shady trees, and moss grows to
soften your bed.

I will persuade magic fae to sing to
you lullabies from Avalon,
and watch as dew caresses your
lashes while you slumber still.

And as languid passes of
moonbeam fae drift above us,
I will await the flutter of my
princess Morningstar, and the
break of a new day.

You were right little one
I can't exist with out you...