"True life is lived when tiny changes occur" ~Leo Tolstoy~
For the longest time, in truth for the first 50 years of my life, I have been afraid, unskilled, and felt totally unworthy of nurturing myself. Does this sound familiar to any of you? Ever asked yourself why?
Aside from a definite lack of my own self worth, which for 50 years revolved solely around taking care of others --people pleasing-- I have also learned that I lived in fear of my own creative success.
One thing, no two things, that brought me to this epiphany were extreme family conflict and the publication of my recent book Shadows of Love. One reignited the creativity that had been lying dormany for over 9 years and allowed it to blossom like a plant moving toward the light.
Both the upheaval in my own family and the publication of my last book (Dancing With The Spirits of Shadowplay (and the subsequent request to write another which is well underway) showed me in neon lights that I had to make changes in my life, even ones I did not want or like, to get me out of my familiar rut which had become so comforting even if in an insidious fashion. These were not to be massive changes, just little ones.
Little changes will eventually lead to great leaps and although self nurturing is difficult for me, I have learned that if I want MY life to come together, I have to start treating ME better. I have definitely learned over the course of these last several months that no one ever will do it for me... and no one else can do it for you.
We can all start this self nurturing process today by doing something as simple as making a list of ten things you could do or want to do for yourself. Then pick just one of those and DO IT. JUST DO IT!
Then find a quiet spot or cut out a time frame just for you and take an honest look at how y0 treat yourself. Do you get enough sleep? Are you getting enough exercise? Do you schedule time for medication or find a way to simply shut out the outside world and really relax? Can you turn off the t.v., the cell phone, the computer, the radio etc for just one day to spend time with you? How about pursuing things that bring you pleasure?
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Epiphany while writing
As I continue to work on the novel I am writing and immersing myself in the ancient culture (as much as possible) of ancient Apache and Pima Indians as well as in spending time in the desert/mountains of the Supersition, I am opening up to the Natural world.
I have come to understand that Nature communicates to all people; maybe not all the time but at least most of the time. It appears, however, that most people are not aware of the communication that is constantly around them. Some who do notice it either don’t believe it or they don’t understand it. Profound encounters and messages are considered supernatural… or worse, psychotic. Natural signs and omens are considered superstitions and direct experiences are labeled hallucinations.
Are we to believe that Nature itself is not real? Or have we just lost touch with true reality in our techno pseudo world?
Sorry mom....
A gray old woman sits all alone
Unloved, uncherished and unknown.
Sitting beside her broken door.
Dreaming of days past long ago,
When children played about her knee
Filling the air with childish glee,
Tended by her with loving care.
Knowing the blessing of a Mother's prayer.
But now they have gone, each to his life
A girl to her husband, a boy to his wife,
Forgetful are they of her who sits here
Silently wiping a tricking tear,
For striving for things in a life so brief
Blind their poor eyes to a dear Mother's grief.
But does she upbraid them in word or in mind.
Nor does their neglect to her seem unkind.
She'll forgive and forget all unkindness they've shown
This poor old mother who sits alone.
Unloved, uncherished and unknown.
Sitting beside her broken door.
Dreaming of days past long ago,
When children played about her knee
Filling the air with childish glee,
Tended by her with loving care.
Knowing the blessing of a Mother's prayer.
But now they have gone, each to his life
A girl to her husband, a boy to his wife,
Forgetful are they of her who sits here
Silently wiping a tricking tear,
For striving for things in a life so brief
Blind their poor eyes to a dear Mother's grief.
But does she upbraid them in word or in mind.
Nor does their neglect to her seem unkind.
She'll forgive and forget all unkindness they've shown
This poor old mother who sits alone.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
VA = Obama Care. Both are reprehensible
Military 1 Newsletter reported today that 1,700 vets were left of f the VA "waiting" list here in Phoenix AZ.
This comes as no surprise to this widow of a disabled Navy Veteran who gave his country 20 years of his life, earned the Navy Achievement Medal (as a Preventive Medicine Corpsman) and was treated like absolute garbage not only by the Navy Medical Department while on active duty but even worse upon retirement by the VA...
For five years prior to retiring out of the Navy at 20 years, he complained periodically of back pain, difficulty in breathing etc. His parents both had heart problems. His grandparents (both sides) had heart problems. He, himself, had high blood pressure from the time he was 19. The wonderful Navy doctors declared him a malingerer and sent him to a psychiatrist. When he suffered his first heart attack at the age of 37, the wonderful Navy Doctor at the Pensacoal Naval Hospital told me (upon my arrival at the Cardiac Care Unit) that Doug did not have anything conducive to a heart attack. I asked him, at that point, what cracker jack box he bot his degree from. The next morning, after running a stress test on Doug they evaced him to the airforce hospital in Biloxi Mississippi; one artery totally blocked and three veins in the left ventricle had collapsed.
While performing an angio plast at the Biloxi facility, the "doctor" nicked the opposing artery with the catheter and tore it wide open.. subsequently they had to inflate the balloon in Dougs Artery and chemically paralyzed him. They had to wait for me to decide whether to deflate the balloon and let, what they felt, would be a serious if not fatal heart attack ensue or perform a triple bypass on Doug... at the age of 37. I opted for the by pass.
The surgery lasted longer than expected and they basically butchered him. The scars he was left with were horrendous and he never got over them. One of the wires in his chest eventually broke and you could feel it whenever you laid your head on his chest. His lungs then collapsed and I nearly lost him... three days later he rallied and on day four was on his feet... however he was never himself again.
THEN the wonderful government (with Doug only having 8 months left to serve until he could retire out at 20 years) tried to medically board him out... what a good way for our government, who denied him proper care while he was serving them to begin with, to get out of paying Doug his full retirement benefits. They lost that battle and Doug was given a desk job for his remaininh 8 months.
Then, he suffered another heart attack 2 years later... this time, we were told he was terminal... What happened then, due to the wonderful VA was a nightmare that I fought for over 16 months and wound up losing everything... including Doug
They had a "glitch" in their system and instead of having him down as dying.. had him down as improved. We lost our VA... we then began to lose everything else. When I moved out here to Phoenix in an attempt to save Doug's life... the AZ Heart Institute was highly recommended, the VA "LOST" his records... How they lose microfish is beyond me, but that was their claim
For 16 months I sent letter after letter to John McCain, Alphonse D'Amato, the Secretary of the Navy and the head of the VA. Finally I received a letter back from the VA in July of 1998 telling me, no threatening me, that every time I sent a letter to a Senator it "slowed down" the claim.
We lost our VA mortgaged home... neither they, the bank nor a Judge in Pensacola Florida by the name of Bell gave a damn that we had no money due to an error made by the government. We lost our car... and then I lost Doug on September 2 1998. I received a letter about 5 days later with a check in it from the VA reinstating his benefits...dated September 3, 1998. I had to return that check because he had died and it was then cut in half...
I had no home, no vehicle, three children and was unemployed... I have been fighting EVER since just to survive.
I now have to accept Tricare as my insurance (3rd stage cancer patient) and most doctors don't want to take it any longer because the government pays them a fraction of what other insurance companies pay them and it takes them months to receive payment. I can't blame them I am also limited as to the types of drugs that can be supplied despite the fact that in many instances the doctors do NOT want me on the generic forms.
Yet our wonderful Poser, Obama, in the White House... proudly proclaimed in his first term in office that the VA was a wonderful example of how health care should be ... and that is what Obamacare is patterned after.
You voted for this... guess you will get what you wish for. Sad thing is, those of us who knew better will suffer for your stupidity Say good by to the best health care system in the world... welcome to your third world country... who despises the very Veterans that tried to protect your freedoms.
This comes as no surprise to this widow of a disabled Navy Veteran who gave his country 20 years of his life, earned the Navy Achievement Medal (as a Preventive Medicine Corpsman) and was treated like absolute garbage not only by the Navy Medical Department while on active duty but even worse upon retirement by the VA...
For five years prior to retiring out of the Navy at 20 years, he complained periodically of back pain, difficulty in breathing etc. His parents both had heart problems. His grandparents (both sides) had heart problems. He, himself, had high blood pressure from the time he was 19. The wonderful Navy doctors declared him a malingerer and sent him to a psychiatrist. When he suffered his first heart attack at the age of 37, the wonderful Navy Doctor at the Pensacoal Naval Hospital told me (upon my arrival at the Cardiac Care Unit) that Doug did not have anything conducive to a heart attack. I asked him, at that point, what cracker jack box he bot his degree from. The next morning, after running a stress test on Doug they evaced him to the airforce hospital in Biloxi Mississippi; one artery totally blocked and three veins in the left ventricle had collapsed.
While performing an angio plast at the Biloxi facility, the "doctor" nicked the opposing artery with the catheter and tore it wide open.. subsequently they had to inflate the balloon in Dougs Artery and chemically paralyzed him. They had to wait for me to decide whether to deflate the balloon and let, what they felt, would be a serious if not fatal heart attack ensue or perform a triple bypass on Doug... at the age of 37. I opted for the by pass.
The surgery lasted longer than expected and they basically butchered him. The scars he was left with were horrendous and he never got over them. One of the wires in his chest eventually broke and you could feel it whenever you laid your head on his chest. His lungs then collapsed and I nearly lost him... three days later he rallied and on day four was on his feet... however he was never himself again.
THEN the wonderful government (with Doug only having 8 months left to serve until he could retire out at 20 years) tried to medically board him out... what a good way for our government, who denied him proper care while he was serving them to begin with, to get out of paying Doug his full retirement benefits. They lost that battle and Doug was given a desk job for his remaininh 8 months.
Then, he suffered another heart attack 2 years later... this time, we were told he was terminal... What happened then, due to the wonderful VA was a nightmare that I fought for over 16 months and wound up losing everything... including Doug
They had a "glitch" in their system and instead of having him down as dying.. had him down as improved. We lost our VA... we then began to lose everything else. When I moved out here to Phoenix in an attempt to save Doug's life... the AZ Heart Institute was highly recommended, the VA "LOST" his records... How they lose microfish is beyond me, but that was their claim
For 16 months I sent letter after letter to John McCain, Alphonse D'Amato, the Secretary of the Navy and the head of the VA. Finally I received a letter back from the VA in July of 1998 telling me, no threatening me, that every time I sent a letter to a Senator it "slowed down" the claim.
We lost our VA mortgaged home... neither they, the bank nor a Judge in Pensacola Florida by the name of Bell gave a damn that we had no money due to an error made by the government. We lost our car... and then I lost Doug on September 2 1998. I received a letter about 5 days later with a check in it from the VA reinstating his benefits...dated September 3, 1998. I had to return that check because he had died and it was then cut in half...
I had no home, no vehicle, three children and was unemployed... I have been fighting EVER since just to survive.
I now have to accept Tricare as my insurance (3rd stage cancer patient) and most doctors don't want to take it any longer because the government pays them a fraction of what other insurance companies pay them and it takes them months to receive payment. I can't blame them I am also limited as to the types of drugs that can be supplied despite the fact that in many instances the doctors do NOT want me on the generic forms.
Yet our wonderful Poser, Obama, in the White House... proudly proclaimed in his first term in office that the VA was a wonderful example of how health care should be ... and that is what Obamacare is patterned after.
You voted for this... guess you will get what you wish for. Sad thing is, those of us who knew better will suffer for your stupidity Say good by to the best health care system in the world... welcome to your third world country... who despises the very Veterans that tried to protect your freedoms.
Monday, May 26, 2014
Shadows of Growth and Miracles: Pre Memorial Day Thoughts
Shadows of Growth and Miracles: Pre Memorial Day Thoughts: "In Flanders fields the poppies blow between the crosses, row on row,that mark our place..." I don't know about you (pa...
Sunday, May 25, 2014
An Open Letter to my Granddaughter
My Dearest Granddaughter
No matter what you think or have heard... I have not once lied. I am not sure what "stunt" on your birthday you are referring too when you sent me that email four years ago... but I had planned on coming that day when you turned 12, to take you and your mom out to lunch and deliver your bike... What you were left unaware of were the nasty emails and facebook posts I had received from your Uncle ***** ( which I have saved and shown to others) and which were far to cruel for me to want to be around him at that point. I too have feelings and am no longer going to let myself be abused by ANYONE
**** (as my heart will always hold so much for him) is back with me often now... and I worry about him still. Your oldest Uncle **** and I exchange emails but I have been told that perhaps I do not wish to see him...) A friend, who is staying with me now, has also seen FACTS, not internet nonsense which, by now, you must know are not always factual and can be manipulated by people out to hurt other people (cowards each and every one)...
I never chose someone over you, your mom, your uncles... or your dad... True, I do care for Tom and will not hurt someone who has been nothing but good to me and who has helped me help others. If you think you know things, just be aware that you do not know what you may think you do and that there have been social workers, attorneys etc involved... I remain here always for all of you and have always been willing to keep all parties apart. However I am tired of someone always telling me... "I won't come over if some one else is there" (and you know that is true from past holidays etc) saying cruel things about other people, and creating non stop drama. For the first time since my three children were past the age of 6, I am able to celebrate Christmas in love and peace... there is no way I can explain how wonderful that is to me or how sad it makes me to know I had not known that peace for so many years.
If everyone dislikes my friend so greatly.. well he is only here five months out of the year... although he did come back down as I went through this last bout of surgery... once again battling cancer... which took my remaining thyroid... and two of my parathyroid... Oh I know your mother, my wonderful daughter, claimed I was not hospitalized back in August of 2010 and told her friends all kinds of crap, but I was there, I have all of the documents and other people were there helping me. Your oldest uncle actually called me after I had been formally admitted later that morning and said "you really are in the hospital" Not shit Sherlock. I have chosen NOT to let any of my children around me in hospitals since before the mastectomy due to the negative impact I feel it has on them and to let me concentrate on healing; and not on others needs. Hospital records document the problems one of my children in particular has caused for me... and your Mom has her own life to live. All I did wrong was to post I was waiting outside the hospital on my Facebook page, Sarah got involved... and because I refused to tell people where I was... I was called a liar. Then they apparently reported me as a missing person and tried to force the hospital to give them information they were forbidden to give out. I did NOT even make it through the first triage until after 1:00 am and I was not formally admitted to the hospital until after 9 am. My neighbors the Greenbergs locked up the house and brought me my phone charger and house keys. I left BAREFOOT to drive myself to the hospital. Something I had done before when I bled out after the mastectomy and your mother's response when I asked for her to come and help me was to call an ambulance... that was the beginning of the end for me in trusting anyone to be at my side through any of this... and I KEEP it that way.
At first they thought it was my heart as the chest pain was intense and the ekg erratic. There even talk of a stent or pace makers. Not in this lady... no way.. Several months later, however, they learned that cancer had invaded my thyroid and was raising hell with me (from heart problems to rapid weight gain and more). the Thryoid controls a great deal in the body and one of the things is metabolism. A good doctor got me seen by the Doctors at the Mayo clinic who now follow me for the other health issues. I wish you or my own childrne could know how afraid I was to know I was going to the Mayo Clinic... it told me how serious things were.
My old friend James Bosworth ( I dated him for a little while long before I met Tom) was at my side through over 10 hours of testing at the Mayo clinic prior tp undergoing surgery. He held me up as they told me that cancer had once again hit and how serious it was this time. I initially had it set up to go through the surgery alone... asking a friend to drop me off the morning of the surgery and James Bosworth to pick me up when I was released. James, behind my back, contacted Tom who flew down the day before to take care of me. I was very grateful to all of them.
Despite the fact I had told the hospital NOT to release any information about me, my youngest son apparently did call the hospital that night to find out how I was... they gave no answer but let me know of the call.
I will never sing again but still have a voice although it goes hoarse quickly. Tom is very ill himself now and has been nothing but very kind and loving to me... and wanted to badly to be liked by my children whom I bragged about to him for years. He showed you wonderful times... taught you many things... all for my sake because he knew I loved (and love you so) The only thing he has done to your grandmother... is kept her alive and allowed her to finally know freedom of driving and doing things I have always loved. Had you remained on Facebook with me.. you could have asked the people who have known me for over 50 years the truth... they know me as I have always been... the politician, the dancer, the hiker, the skier... and so much more that I laid aside well over 30 years ago when I said "I do" to the man I have love and will always love since I was 14. *** did not change me, your grand papa did. Our marriage was not perfect and as I have said, there will come a time when people will know how imperfect it was at times... but I love him now as much as I loved him then... and no one will ever come between that.
I do remember you telling me, in front of others who will step forward if required, how much you did not want to go home to your mom or step dad... begging me not to take you back home for various reasons. The last time, you wanted it to be just your mom, you, and me, again. When I said that could not be because your mom was married and that you would miss your step dad, you said you would not and to please let it be the three of us again.
I worry about you, still.
I spent some time where I spread grand papa's ashes in September of 2011... I left him your Teddy Bear and pictures of you... all of the hateful letters sent to me over the past years as well as the nasty emails sent by your mother and your youngest uncle about mother family members... and so many more things... and told him I would leave this in his hands now... I got the feeling he is okay with my sharing some time with Tom.. as I am in safe hands with him and we share so many things in common.
I have showed many friends and neighbors the things that "people" I trusted but who invaded my privacy and never chose to come and speak to me about directly found; but did not see from the years prior as to what set everything in motion... However, once upon a time... back in 2005 I even asked both of my sons to assist me in finding a man who was creating some serious problems for a woman with two sons. Those boys I did manage to eventually have removed from their mothers home in Westchester NY and put safely with the great aunt who had asked for help and who then lived in Connecticut. The oldest child is now more than 20 and doing well from what we have been told...
Later, because others had been encouraging me to do so, I wrote a book of erotica (currently published in ebook version under a pseudonym and selling fairly well, particularly in the UK). Sadly people can't seem to discern reality from truth but EVERYONE who knows and loves me knows I am run or owned by NO one... my only guilt is caring about others needs above my own; something my own children have taught me was the biggest mistake of my life.
My family has, for some reason, always been at war with someone (generally between themselves)... for now it seems to be me... and I apparently can't change that and if truth be told, I don't want to. But, had direct questions been asked instead of passive aggressive behavior... then truth would win out. There are facts about my life with grandpapa that children and grandchildren have no right to know but sadly someday all of you will... and I love him still... no matter what. There are friends from long ago that know the truth all too well. Too bad your own mother refused to talk to her Godfather who was your grand papas Chief in the Navy and a dear friend. Mike Harms lost is battle for Cancer almost two years ago but before that he, unlike grand papa, sobered up and got off the drugs and took responsibility for the damage he did. I am glad I got to spend his last two years of life with him even if over the phone and internet...
To be told by your mom and then your uncles that almost five years ago, after we returned from that wonderful trip to Tucson, that I had told you that your mother had run away from home when she was 16 was inconceivable to me? Which, as you will recall, when I asked you about that you said you never did say it to her; and you know I never said because it was not true. I have always told you how much your mom loved you and sacrificed for you and I am proud of my daughter; as I am proud of you. Well, I was proud of her... now, as I look back over her teenage and early adult years, I find she was my greatestest disappointment
I will always be here for you, but where I used to send you cards at Christmas and birthdays with small gifts I will no longer do so. You are old enough to make your own choices and to know right from wrong, truth from deceit. I will always send you light and love every day. The house is empty without you since you were with me almost every day of your life until you were close to 12... your pictures and scrapbooks are with me always. You were and are always the sunshine of my life... and the only grandchild that grandpapa got to hold... we have shared a special bond that shall never be broken.. at least not by this lady. I keep the prayer in my heart that one day, you will come to my door again and we will share the laughter and love I always had with you...
I do not care for some of the choices in friends or spouses that some of my family members have selected (even though I respect you step Dad and have stuck up for him and stood by him many a time). but I have NEVER told anyone... I wanted nothing to do with them because of whom they choose to be around or love... I simply ask.. leave me out of that when those people are around. Not hard to do and you and I were already meeting and going places other then our townhouse when Tom was here in deference to your mother...
I have my friends Betty, Marcy, Jewel and my friend James helping me with my doctors and hospital appointments at the Mayo clinic now. ... James and his girlfriend Sandy know Tom very well now and we spend a great deal of time together having cookouts and traveling when we are all together.. otherwise, they include me in things when I can travel. James and Sandy were married last year. They seem so happy.
Your mom-mom no longer stays up all of the time, I sleep a great deal now due to the cancer and all of the medicines.. actually in bed by around 7:00 at night most nights... I have one of your teddy bears with me... Merriweather, whom I put to sleep over three years ago when she was diagnosed with mammary cancer, still looked for her girl... she went totally deaf the year before she died bit remained the loving a nanna dog as she always was. I had to put Angel Heart to sleep just before Christmas. It broke my heart.
As you may recall I adopted a German Shepherd puppy named Ranger the spring following Merriweather's passing and a year ago I adopted another King Shepherd puppy I named Ruger. They are my hiking companions and Ranger is actually taking a "staring" role in my new book which will be a novel... hoping to have it completed by this next Christmas and then out on the shelves by February. Harder to write than poetry, but I am enjoying it.
My newest book, Dancing With The Spirits of Shadowplay which was last in the series did VERY well. We have sold over 20,000 copies and, although sales have slowed, it is still selling.
I speak about you with my Cancer counselor and doctors as well as my friends and neighbors almost every day... they know you have always given my life purpose... I don't think if you and your mom had not needed me after grandpapa had died that I would have had any reason to keep moving forward. You were my reason...
Never ever cry over your mom mom ( and I suspect you no longer due as you are an independent teenager now), but NEVER think I have stopped loving you or chose another over you. I am an adult and I "vetted" him very carefully when I first met him on line back in 2002. He is not perfect either (no one is) but I have come to know his son very well... his friend who is an attorney in ******* working for the state's department of Homeland Security... as well as his neighbors, extended family and many others... Despite what may be found "on line" (which is NOT reality but fantasy and for there for reasons some day I hope you understand)... he is an honorable man. He ran cub scouts as I once did ... all the way through Eagle Scouts... and so many other things most do not know. He gave a friend of mine enough money so she could get 10 therapy sessions after being in a horrible car accident... and he always loved buying you little things and teaching you about history, astronomy, and science. I would NEVER be with anyone ever again who would dare raise a hand to me... or cause me sadness... be it male, female, family or friend... I think you know that after all we have shared and been through.
I miss you and your mom greatly and was just starting to enjoy having your step sister for some of our outings...
So... there are no lies little bit... and you have been left journals written years ago, and I have grand papa's records and mine and some of your uncles and mom's (when they were teenagers) and when you are 18 these are to be yours as well... So, in the meantime, if you choose not to talk to me again, the truth will be there for you to sort out... and in the end you will have understanding... and know how very much I loved all of you.
I left Facebook for good a couple of months ago; never to return... and I may be moving in the future if an opening comes up in Cleveland Ohio with the company I now work for. They had hoped to see an opening come up for me in June but it may be delayed until fall now. I will hate leaving my desert... but the money will be too good not to take the position. Should that happen, I will not leave a forwarding address but you can always find me via this blog... just leave a comment and how to reach you. I will... believe me I will. I miss you so very very much!. Until then I am enjoying the work, writing, hiking with my dogs, and the peace of no drama in my life. Doctors appointments are going well and the medicines seem to be working... except for missing you, I am the happiest I have ever been..
I have no regrets... everything happens for a reason... and I am in God's capable hands as I know you are.
Be well... I love you.
No matter what you think or have heard... I have not once lied. I am not sure what "stunt" on your birthday you are referring too when you sent me that email four years ago... but I had planned on coming that day when you turned 12, to take you and your mom out to lunch and deliver your bike... What you were left unaware of were the nasty emails and facebook posts I had received from your Uncle ***** ( which I have saved and shown to others) and which were far to cruel for me to want to be around him at that point. I too have feelings and am no longer going to let myself be abused by ANYONE
**** (as my heart will always hold so much for him) is back with me often now... and I worry about him still. Your oldest Uncle **** and I exchange emails but I have been told that perhaps I do not wish to see him...) A friend, who is staying with me now, has also seen FACTS, not internet nonsense which, by now, you must know are not always factual and can be manipulated by people out to hurt other people (cowards each and every one)...
I never chose someone over you, your mom, your uncles... or your dad... True, I do care for Tom and will not hurt someone who has been nothing but good to me and who has helped me help others. If you think you know things, just be aware that you do not know what you may think you do and that there have been social workers, attorneys etc involved... I remain here always for all of you and have always been willing to keep all parties apart. However I am tired of someone always telling me... "I won't come over if some one else is there" (and you know that is true from past holidays etc) saying cruel things about other people, and creating non stop drama. For the first time since my three children were past the age of 6, I am able to celebrate Christmas in love and peace... there is no way I can explain how wonderful that is to me or how sad it makes me to know I had not known that peace for so many years.
If everyone dislikes my friend so greatly.. well he is only here five months out of the year... although he did come back down as I went through this last bout of surgery... once again battling cancer... which took my remaining thyroid... and two of my parathyroid... Oh I know your mother, my wonderful daughter, claimed I was not hospitalized back in August of 2010 and told her friends all kinds of crap, but I was there, I have all of the documents and other people were there helping me. Your oldest uncle actually called me after I had been formally admitted later that morning and said "you really are in the hospital" Not shit Sherlock. I have chosen NOT to let any of my children around me in hospitals since before the mastectomy due to the negative impact I feel it has on them and to let me concentrate on healing; and not on others needs. Hospital records document the problems one of my children in particular has caused for me... and your Mom has her own life to live. All I did wrong was to post I was waiting outside the hospital on my Facebook page, Sarah got involved... and because I refused to tell people where I was... I was called a liar. Then they apparently reported me as a missing person and tried to force the hospital to give them information they were forbidden to give out. I did NOT even make it through the first triage until after 1:00 am and I was not formally admitted to the hospital until after 9 am. My neighbors the Greenbergs locked up the house and brought me my phone charger and house keys. I left BAREFOOT to drive myself to the hospital. Something I had done before when I bled out after the mastectomy and your mother's response when I asked for her to come and help me was to call an ambulance... that was the beginning of the end for me in trusting anyone to be at my side through any of this... and I KEEP it that way.
At first they thought it was my heart as the chest pain was intense and the ekg erratic. There even talk of a stent or pace makers. Not in this lady... no way.. Several months later, however, they learned that cancer had invaded my thyroid and was raising hell with me (from heart problems to rapid weight gain and more). the Thryoid controls a great deal in the body and one of the things is metabolism. A good doctor got me seen by the Doctors at the Mayo clinic who now follow me for the other health issues. I wish you or my own childrne could know how afraid I was to know I was going to the Mayo Clinic... it told me how serious things were.
My old friend James Bosworth ( I dated him for a little while long before I met Tom) was at my side through over 10 hours of testing at the Mayo clinic prior tp undergoing surgery. He held me up as they told me that cancer had once again hit and how serious it was this time. I initially had it set up to go through the surgery alone... asking a friend to drop me off the morning of the surgery and James Bosworth to pick me up when I was released. James, behind my back, contacted Tom who flew down the day before to take care of me. I was very grateful to all of them.
Despite the fact I had told the hospital NOT to release any information about me, my youngest son apparently did call the hospital that night to find out how I was... they gave no answer but let me know of the call.
I will never sing again but still have a voice although it goes hoarse quickly. Tom is very ill himself now and has been nothing but very kind and loving to me... and wanted to badly to be liked by my children whom I bragged about to him for years. He showed you wonderful times... taught you many things... all for my sake because he knew I loved (and love you so) The only thing he has done to your grandmother... is kept her alive and allowed her to finally know freedom of driving and doing things I have always loved. Had you remained on Facebook with me.. you could have asked the people who have known me for over 50 years the truth... they know me as I have always been... the politician, the dancer, the hiker, the skier... and so much more that I laid aside well over 30 years ago when I said "I do" to the man I have love and will always love since I was 14. *** did not change me, your grand papa did. Our marriage was not perfect and as I have said, there will come a time when people will know how imperfect it was at times... but I love him now as much as I loved him then... and no one will ever come between that.
I do remember you telling me, in front of others who will step forward if required, how much you did not want to go home to your mom or step dad... begging me not to take you back home for various reasons. The last time, you wanted it to be just your mom, you, and me, again. When I said that could not be because your mom was married and that you would miss your step dad, you said you would not and to please let it be the three of us again.
I worry about you, still.
I spent some time where I spread grand papa's ashes in September of 2011... I left him your Teddy Bear and pictures of you... all of the hateful letters sent to me over the past years as well as the nasty emails sent by your mother and your youngest uncle about mother family members... and so many more things... and told him I would leave this in his hands now... I got the feeling he is okay with my sharing some time with Tom.. as I am in safe hands with him and we share so many things in common.
I have showed many friends and neighbors the things that "people" I trusted but who invaded my privacy and never chose to come and speak to me about directly found; but did not see from the years prior as to what set everything in motion... However, once upon a time... back in 2005 I even asked both of my sons to assist me in finding a man who was creating some serious problems for a woman with two sons. Those boys I did manage to eventually have removed from their mothers home in Westchester NY and put safely with the great aunt who had asked for help and who then lived in Connecticut. The oldest child is now more than 20 and doing well from what we have been told...
Later, because others had been encouraging me to do so, I wrote a book of erotica (currently published in ebook version under a pseudonym and selling fairly well, particularly in the UK). Sadly people can't seem to discern reality from truth but EVERYONE who knows and loves me knows I am run or owned by NO one... my only guilt is caring about others needs above my own; something my own children have taught me was the biggest mistake of my life.
My family has, for some reason, always been at war with someone (generally between themselves)... for now it seems to be me... and I apparently can't change that and if truth be told, I don't want to. But, had direct questions been asked instead of passive aggressive behavior... then truth would win out. There are facts about my life with grandpapa that children and grandchildren have no right to know but sadly someday all of you will... and I love him still... no matter what. There are friends from long ago that know the truth all too well. Too bad your own mother refused to talk to her Godfather who was your grand papas Chief in the Navy and a dear friend. Mike Harms lost is battle for Cancer almost two years ago but before that he, unlike grand papa, sobered up and got off the drugs and took responsibility for the damage he did. I am glad I got to spend his last two years of life with him even if over the phone and internet...
To be told by your mom and then your uncles that almost five years ago, after we returned from that wonderful trip to Tucson, that I had told you that your mother had run away from home when she was 16 was inconceivable to me? Which, as you will recall, when I asked you about that you said you never did say it to her; and you know I never said because it was not true. I have always told you how much your mom loved you and sacrificed for you and I am proud of my daughter; as I am proud of you. Well, I was proud of her... now, as I look back over her teenage and early adult years, I find she was my greatestest disappointment
I will always be here for you, but where I used to send you cards at Christmas and birthdays with small gifts I will no longer do so. You are old enough to make your own choices and to know right from wrong, truth from deceit. I will always send you light and love every day. The house is empty without you since you were with me almost every day of your life until you were close to 12... your pictures and scrapbooks are with me always. You were and are always the sunshine of my life... and the only grandchild that grandpapa got to hold... we have shared a special bond that shall never be broken.. at least not by this lady. I keep the prayer in my heart that one day, you will come to my door again and we will share the laughter and love I always had with you...
I do not care for some of the choices in friends or spouses that some of my family members have selected (even though I respect you step Dad and have stuck up for him and stood by him many a time). but I have NEVER told anyone... I wanted nothing to do with them because of whom they choose to be around or love... I simply ask.. leave me out of that when those people are around. Not hard to do and you and I were already meeting and going places other then our townhouse when Tom was here in deference to your mother...
I have my friends Betty, Marcy, Jewel and my friend James helping me with my doctors and hospital appointments at the Mayo clinic now. ... James and his girlfriend Sandy know Tom very well now and we spend a great deal of time together having cookouts and traveling when we are all together.. otherwise, they include me in things when I can travel. James and Sandy were married last year. They seem so happy.
Your mom-mom no longer stays up all of the time, I sleep a great deal now due to the cancer and all of the medicines.. actually in bed by around 7:00 at night most nights... I have one of your teddy bears with me... Merriweather, whom I put to sleep over three years ago when she was diagnosed with mammary cancer, still looked for her girl... she went totally deaf the year before she died bit remained the loving a nanna dog as she always was. I had to put Angel Heart to sleep just before Christmas. It broke my heart.
As you may recall I adopted a German Shepherd puppy named Ranger the spring following Merriweather's passing and a year ago I adopted another King Shepherd puppy I named Ruger. They are my hiking companions and Ranger is actually taking a "staring" role in my new book which will be a novel... hoping to have it completed by this next Christmas and then out on the shelves by February. Harder to write than poetry, but I am enjoying it.
My newest book, Dancing With The Spirits of Shadowplay which was last in the series did VERY well. We have sold over 20,000 copies and, although sales have slowed, it is still selling.
I speak about you with my Cancer counselor and doctors as well as my friends and neighbors almost every day... they know you have always given my life purpose... I don't think if you and your mom had not needed me after grandpapa had died that I would have had any reason to keep moving forward. You were my reason...
Never ever cry over your mom mom ( and I suspect you no longer due as you are an independent teenager now), but NEVER think I have stopped loving you or chose another over you. I am an adult and I "vetted" him very carefully when I first met him on line back in 2002. He is not perfect either (no one is) but I have come to know his son very well... his friend who is an attorney in ******* working for the state's department of Homeland Security... as well as his neighbors, extended family and many others... Despite what may be found "on line" (which is NOT reality but fantasy and for there for reasons some day I hope you understand)... he is an honorable man. He ran cub scouts as I once did ... all the way through Eagle Scouts... and so many other things most do not know. He gave a friend of mine enough money so she could get 10 therapy sessions after being in a horrible car accident... and he always loved buying you little things and teaching you about history, astronomy, and science. I would NEVER be with anyone ever again who would dare raise a hand to me... or cause me sadness... be it male, female, family or friend... I think you know that after all we have shared and been through.
I miss you and your mom greatly and was just starting to enjoy having your step sister for some of our outings...
So... there are no lies little bit... and you have been left journals written years ago, and I have grand papa's records and mine and some of your uncles and mom's (when they were teenagers) and when you are 18 these are to be yours as well... So, in the meantime, if you choose not to talk to me again, the truth will be there for you to sort out... and in the end you will have understanding... and know how very much I loved all of you.
I left Facebook for good a couple of months ago; never to return... and I may be moving in the future if an opening comes up in Cleveland Ohio with the company I now work for. They had hoped to see an opening come up for me in June but it may be delayed until fall now. I will hate leaving my desert... but the money will be too good not to take the position. Should that happen, I will not leave a forwarding address but you can always find me via this blog... just leave a comment and how to reach you. I will... believe me I will. I miss you so very very much!. Until then I am enjoying the work, writing, hiking with my dogs, and the peace of no drama in my life. Doctors appointments are going well and the medicines seem to be working... except for missing you, I am the happiest I have ever been..
I have no regrets... everything happens for a reason... and I am in God's capable hands as I know you are.
Be well... I love you.
Pre Memorial Day Thoughts
I don't know about you (particularly those readers who are younger than 40), but Memorial day, for me, always evokes the red poppies that the American Legion used to sell to aid the US service men and women. (Sad to not see that being done any longer) It was always special as well as the giant peonies that used to grow in my grandmother's yard. Each year we waited to see if they would open their blooms on this day... miraculously, they always did. :) Every year as a child, my father would give me a dollar to give to them and I would get my poppy. As an adult, I gave them five dollars for my poppy and oh how proud I was to wear it for weeks after....
Each year, while I was growing up, we also had a Mass at Saint Joseph's Church cemetery. Graves of those who had served in the military were decorated with the American Flag and mom and dad always planted red geraniums in the planters beside all the graves of our departed family members. On that day the town would also gather on the lawn outside of the high school to remember those who had given their time and even their lives to protect our country and to fight for justice.
I remember the speeches given by our Mayor (and school Librarian) Donna Strickland Rodden. This woman was also my Brownie leader, my Girl Scout Leader and my mentor who taught me the true meaning of patriotism, love of country, and self sacrifice.
This weekend is still a traditional day for many to visit the graves of their family loved ones and say a prayer for them. My loved one, my Doug, is not buried in a grave or a field, but his ashes were scattered several years ago up at Oak Creek Canyon where he now roams the mountains, desert, and streams of the great land he honored and protected for 20 years of honorable service as a Navy Corpsman/Preventive Medicine Corpsman.
Although Oak Creek Canyon is unaffordable for me to get to this year, and as so many of us live at great distances from our family homes, we can still gather in Church that day and pray for all in our families. Or we can (as I will be doing) visit a local cemetery and express our thanks and gratitude to all. The cemetery may be large and immaculately kept; it may be small with decaying wooden crosses and fading slate stone markings; it may be in the corner of a pasture with only the barbed wire fences keeping out the animals that roam; it may be abandoned with no one to care for it. For all of these cemeteries, wherever they ay be, we extend our blessing and our prayers. At least for these, we know the sites.
How many more of our early pioneers were buried along the roadside, with nothing more to mark their graves as time passed them by? How many have been lost at sea or on battle fields and unknown to the world?
The Unknown Soldier
~Billys Rose~
There's a graveyard near the White House
Where the Unknown Soldier lies,
And the flowers there are sprinkled
With the tears from mother's eyes.
I stood there not so long ago
With roses for the brave,
And suddenly I heard a voice
Speak from out the grave:
"I am the Unknown Soldier,
The spirit voice began
"And I think I have the right
To ask some questions man to man.
"Are my buddies taken care of?
Was their victory so sweet?
Is that big reward you offered
Selling pencils on the street?
"Did they really win the freedom
They battled to achieve?
Do you still respect that Croix de Guerre
Above that empty sleeve?
"Does a gold star in the window
Now mean anything at all?
I wonder how my old girl feels
When she hears a bugle call.
"And that baby who sang
Hello, Central, give me no man's land.
Can they replace her daddy
With a military band?
"I wonder if the profiteers
Have satisfied their greed?
I wonder if a soldier's mother
Ever is in need?
"I wonder if the kings, who planned it all
Are really satisfied?
They played their game of checkers
And eleven million died.
"I am the Unknown Soldier
And maybe I died in vain,
But if I were alive and my country called,
I'd do it all over again.
We pray for them as well.
But remembering doesn't just have to be once or twice a year and it should NOT be. We remember our loved ones who have preceded us in death every day of our lives. The smallest thing can trigger memories..
- A flag
- A song like the Battle hymn of the Republic or on Eagles Wings
- A bagpiper playing Amazing Grace
- A bugler blowing Taps
- A cross
- A card
- A piece of clothing
- the scent or grass, roses, cologne...
Happy Memorial Day everyone! May it be a day of prayer; a day of love; a day of blessings and honor for all of our family members - both living and dead. And, may it also be a day we pray for peace, the end of war and injustice, and for a time of family and neighborly love and forgiveness.
Celebrate this day... celebrate it well. Let us never forget the devotion and service of these brave men and women to God, Country, and Family.
God bless the USA
In Flanders Fields
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
IDEAS HAVE CONSEQUENCES.
As many of my friends and fellow
students may remember, I have been an avid reader of Russian Writers since I
was about 12 having read Tolstoy (yes I did read WAR and PEACE not just once
but twice as well as Anna Karrenina and so many of his lesser known works) and
my favorite has always been Dostoevsky. I find myself re-reading many of his
stories a great deal because they seem, to me, to be prophetic in nature given
our current national upheaval.
In my opinion, few people in the
last 200 years understood human nature and mankind’s fallen state quite like
Dostoevsky. His uncanny abilities to dissect the pathology of a killer or the
spiritual joy of a contented Russian peasant have inspired generations of
writers, thinkers, and even psychologists for a century and a half.
But more than simply being an
insightful novelist on the human condition, Dostoevsky turned out to be a truly
prophetic voice in his predictions of the dangerous and deadly places where
certain ideologies and philosophies popular at the time would lead his beloved
Russia in particular, and the modern Western world in general. I feel these
ideologies and philosophies are once again gaining a foothold HERE in the USA.
In the course of a number of his books – The Devils (aka The
Possessed) and The Brothers Karamazov,
for example – he foretold of the coming socioeconomic and geopolitical
nightmares that awaited 20th century societies that would adopt
progressivism, nihilism, and socialism as their guiding principles. His words
carry with them a deeper weight since Dostoevsky lived during his youth as a
progressive ideologue eventually sentenced first to death and then, after a
mock execution meant to “get his attention,” to four years of hard labor in
Siberia.
He returned a deeply religious man
and, after spending a few years in Europe investigating the teachings of
leading Western intellectuals, a vehement anti-socialist.
In describing the underlying
motivations of the young, radical, rabble-rousing character Peter Verkhovensky
in The Devils, Dostoevsky said:
He’s a kind, well-meaning boy, and
awfully sensitive…But let me tell you, the whole trouble stems from immaturity
and sentimentality! It’s not the practical aspects of socialism that fascinate
him, but its emotional appeal – its idealism –what we may call its mystical,
religious aspect – its romanticism…and on top of that, he just parrots other
people.
Only someone who has known the
“other side” of the psychological lines, commiserating among those who wish to
tear civilizations and their institutions down from within, can write with such
creative specificity.
But again,
Dostoevsky’s strength remains the predictive quality of his novels. He
identified the strategies the Left would use in the 20th century and their
final destinations. Three of these nightmare prophecies stand out: the war on
the family, the replacement of old theistic religions for a new (thoroughly
secular) one, and the extermination of millions of citizens on behalf of Before
our philosophy of life develops, before our religious worldview forms, before
our political convictions solidify — there exists the family. Dostoevsky’s
novels and short stories are packed with familial themes because, apart from
his later Christian faith, his experiences as a child and young adult had
profound and lasting consequences — just as they do for all of us.
Generational
Sins: The War on the Family
But
where Dostoevsky’s study of the institution of the family and its relation to
society and politics goes from “some fairly obvious observations” to “a wealth
of discerning insights” comes in just how much importance for almost everything
he places at the feet of the family. His respect for this sacred institution
only increased with age as he began to comprehend progressives’ militant
disdain for the family, for marriage, and for any other type of education save
the kind they — the revolutionaries who would one day rule the nation —
provided. Consequently, Dostoevsky’s later books, such as “The Adolescent”,
“Brothers”, and
“ Devils”, focus on these themes with characters overwhelmed by their family’s past.
“ Devils”, focus on these themes with characters overwhelmed by their family’s past.
In “Devils”, the character
Peter Verkhovensky poses as a beguiling and well-connected socialist dissident.
We learn that his father, a former professor named Stepan Trofimovich,
abandoned him as a child to be raised by intellectuals at various academies and
universities. Peter’s odd choice of his own home province in the Russian
countryside for the site of a cultural coup suddenly makes more sense: he wants
to make his dad and those in the community suffer and feel humiliation. He
craves payback for a miserable childhood. (Sounding more like Obama?) And what
better way than to pose as a “man of the people” who is simply trying to
overthrow greedy capitalists and oppressive religious traditions?
The
reality: Stepan Trofimovich did in fact abandon his son. And the seeds of
skepticism and rebellion against authority that Stepan’s generation had sown
appeared fully realized in their offspring.
The results were disastrous. Just as
they are in any culture where abdication of the primal duty to take care of
your own children is tolerated (or worse still, encouraged). ( Take a look at
our liberal views on sex just because it feels good, our welfare system and the
current government stance on abortion. Remember that Obama was quoted as saying
“I would not want to see my daughters punished with a baby”, as he promoted
abortion.) Because Stepan Stepan Trofimovich disregarded his family, consequently
his son grew up to want to destroy everyone else’s.
But the attack on the family, and
the exploitation of the difficult or disillusioned childhoods many young people
in 1870s Russia experienced, was not enough. Progressives knew this, and so did
Dostoevsky. For even in the worst of circumstances, in the most broken of
homes, faith still endured in the hearts of many Russians. Like Alyosha, the
saintly youngest brother in Brothers Karamazov, the spiritual
convictions of millions in Mother Russia would not die only through the
undermining of the family. Something bigger had to be done. Someone bigger had
to go.
They needed to murder God.
2)
Militant Atheism: The War on God
Socialism, the economic and
political theory that advocates for the state to control the means of
production and oversee the distribution of resources, was relatively new back
in Fyodor’s day, and the assumption among small groups of intellectuals from
Moscow to Mexico was that it would inevitably become the way all countries ran
their governments, societies, and economies. Dostoevsky not only believed the
sincerity in their beliefs, but that their convictions would win out in nations
around the globe to cause unprecedented suffering before collapsing under the
weight of internal contradictions and weaknesses.
Dostoevsky held that the inherent
weakness of the Utopian visions of socialism was a rejection of God and the
institution of the family. He saw that for the Left, their politics became
their religion. The members of the progressive-Left were demanding that
standards of Judeo-Christian morality be replaced with new (arbitrary)
standards handed down from central councils and planning committees.
Dostoevsky wrote the following
description of the youngest Karamazov brother Alyosha in “The Brothers
Karamazov”:
The path he chose was a path going
in the opposite direction of many his age, but he chose it with the same thirst
for swift achievement. As soon as he reflected seriously on it, he was
convinced and convicted of the existence of God and of the immortality of the
soul, and at once he instinctively said to himself: “I want to live for
immortality with Him and I will accept no compromise.”
In the same way, if he had decided
that God and immortality did not exist, he would at once have become an atheist
and socialist. For socialism is not merely the labor question, but it is
before all things the atheistic question, the question of the form taken by
atheism today. It is the question of the tower of Babel built without God,
not to mount to Heaven from earth but to set up Heaven on earth.
Dostoevsky believed that if even
religious nations could commit heinous acts, a secular state would be capable
of unspeakable atrocities.
As Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
would later put it: “A great disaster had befallen Russia: Men have forgotten
God; that’s why all this has happened.”
3)
Genocide: The War on Man
The unspeakable acts of Adolf
Hitler’s Nazis pale in comparison to the horrors committed by the communists in
the former Union of Soviet Socialist Republics and the People’s Republic of
China. Between 1917 and 1987, Vladimir Lenin, Josef Stalin and their successors
murdered and were otherwise responsible for the deaths of 62 million of their
own people. Between 1949 and 1987, China’s communists, led by Mao Zedong and
his successors, murdered and were otherwise responsible for the deaths of 76
million Chinese. The most authoritative tally of history’s most murderous
regimes is documented on University of Hawaii Professor Rudolph J. Rummel’s
website and in his book “Death by Government.”
The numbers involved stagger the
mind. We must shine a spotlight on a truth our modern education system has
failed to teach American students: these were all secular, socialist nations
that began under the auspices of such lofty-sounding goals as “a workers’
paradise” and “the peoples’ republic.”
Like lambs to the slaughter,
millions went simply because dutiful bureaucrats and foot soldiers carried out
the orders of philosopher-kings who were ready to sacrifice humanity for the
sake of their “rational” and “progressive” and “scientific” system of
governance.
And yet this nightmare did not begin
to play itself out until a few decades into the 20th century. Some fifty years
earlier, a Russian novelist by the name of Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky
conceived of characters such as the social theorist “Shigalov” in “The
Devils” who announced to the inner circle of socialist revolutionaries he
belonged to the logical long-term plan for ruling the people once the czar was
toppled:
Dedicating my energies to the study
of the social organisation which is in the future to replace the present
condition of things, I’ve come to the conviction that all makers of social
systems from ancient times up to the present year, 187-, have been dreamers,
tellers of fairy-tales, fools who contradicted themselves, who understood
nothing of natural science and the strange animal called man…
I suggest as a final solution of the
question the division of mankind into two unequal parts. One-tenth enjoys
absolute liberty and unbounded power over the other nine-tenths. The others
have to give up all individuality and become, so to speak, a herd, and, through
boundless submission, will by a series of regenerations attain primeval
innocence, something like the Garden of Eden. They’ll have to work, however.
The measures I propose for depriving nine-tenths of mankind of their freedom
and transforming them into a herd through the education of whole generations
are very remarkable, founded on the facts of nature and highly logical.
To this, the aforementioned
ringleader Peter Verkhovensky responds:
“However much you tinker with the
world, you can’t make a good job of it, but by cutting off a hundred million
heads and so lightening one’s burden, one can jump over the ditch of
transforming society more safely. … It’s a new religion, my good friend, coming
to take the place of the old one. That’s why so many fighters come forward, and
it’s a big movement…
I ask you which you prefer: the slow
way, which consists in the composition of socialistic romances and the academic
ordering of the destinies of humanity a thousand years hence, while despotism
will swallow the savory morsels which would almost fly into your mouths of
themselves if you’d take a little trouble; or do you, whatever it may imply,
prefer a quicker way which will at last untie your hands, and will let humanity
make its own social organisation in freedom and in action, not on paper? They shout
“cut off a hundred million heads”; that may be only a metaphor; but why be
afraid of it if, with the slow day-dream on paper, despotism in the course of
some hundred years will devour not a hundred but five hundred million heads?
What’s one-to-five-hundred million
“heads” among friends, right?”
Again, keep in mind Dostoevsky
penned these words in 1872. Great evils like tyrannical monarchies and human
slave-trafficking had existed on planet earth since time began, but this
devious mixture of both with a calculated and cavalier attitude toward human
life startled those in the 19th century like Dostoevsky who first heard the
schemes of the original community organizers (and had the good sense to believe
that they’d carry out their plans should they ever.
It’s very difficult for the current
18 to 35 demographic (and in some cases in the 40-50 as well) to grasp just how much suffering and death and
oppression took place in the 20th century. We do not receive a
comprehensive version of history in our public schools and institutions of
higher education that might shed critical light on ideologies many in academia
support. And to be sure, we can’t count on Hollywood and the entertainment
industry to pick up any such slack in the culture.
But this matters. Ideas have consequences. Tens of millions
died in the last century because of evil ideas.
And if an
epileptic, compulsive-gambling, ex-convict in Russia about 150 years ago could
so accurately peer into the murky future to warn us, the least we can do is
simply turn around to take in the much clearer
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Thank you for the Westfield Republican/Mayville Sentinel for their recent Interview/Press release of my third book Dancing With The Spirits of Shadowplay.
The book has been off to a slow start but is now selling well. New designs for T-shirts etc can be found at my website shadowsoflove.com
Contests are forthcoming for chances to win a copy of the book, t-shirts, coffee mugs etc.
Thank you and Happy Reading.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
PRESTIGE FINANCIAL AND EARNHARDT DODGE:
Well everything that is all over the Internet about a car loan company called Prestige Financial is apparently true... I traded in my 2005 Jeep Liberty IN on December 4th, informed Prestige of this, sent them copies of emails from the car dealership showing that they had power of attorney over the vehicle and that the loan had been processed and would be paid off in full by Earnhardt and the new loan company. Now Prestige is demanding payment from me (the loan on the vehicle is not even a week past due and I no longer own the Jeep) and contacting friends and family saying they need to talk to me right away...
I am meeting with an attorney at 10:00 am to see what I can do to stop this thuggery tactics and their apparent attempt at ruining my credit and my reputation.
The car dealership who assured me that they would handle this, are NOT handling it. What a damn mess! I have purchased vehicles from Earnhardts before and NEVER got this run around. Believe me, I will never purchase another vehicle from them and will tell everyone else to stay away from them. This has just destroyed the holidays for me and now friends and family are being harassed.
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