Sunday, December 30, 2012

 


IDEAS HAVE CONSEQUENCES.

 
As many of my friends and fellow students may remember, I have been an avid reader of Russian Writers since I was about 12 having read Tolstoy (yes I did read WAR and PEACE not just once but twice as well as Anna Karrenina and so many of his lesser known works) and my favorite has always been Dostoevsky. I find myself re-reading many of his stories a great deal because they seem, to me, to be prophetic in nature given our current national upheaval.

In my opinion, few people in the last 200 years understood human nature and mankind’s fallen state quite like Dostoevsky. His uncanny abilities to dissect the pathology of a killer or the spiritual joy of a contented Russian peasant have inspired generations of writers, thinkers, and even psychologists for a century and a half.

But more than simply being an insightful novelist on the human condition, Dostoevsky turned out to be a truly prophetic voice in his predictions of the dangerous and deadly places where certain ideologies and philosophies popular at the time would lead his beloved Russia in particular, and the modern Western world in general. I feel these ideologies and philosophies are once again gaining a foothold HERE in the USA.

In the course of a number of his books – The Devils (aka The Possessed) and The Brothers Karamazov, for example – he foretold of the coming socioeconomic and geopolitical nightmares that awaited 20th century societies that would adopt progressivism, nihilism, and socialism as their guiding principles. His words carry with them a deeper weight since Dostoevsky lived during his youth as a progressive ideologue eventually sentenced first to death and then, after a mock execution meant to “get his attention,” to four years of hard labor in Siberia.

He returned a deeply religious man and, after spending a few years in Europe investigating the teachings of leading Western intellectuals, a vehement anti-socialist.

In describing the underlying motivations of the young, radical, rabble-rousing character Peter Verkhovensky in The Devils, Dostoevsky said:

He’s a kind, well-meaning boy, and awfully sensitive…But let me tell you, the whole trouble stems from immaturity and sentimentality! It’s not the practical aspects of socialism that fascinate him, but its emotional appeal – its idealism –what we may call its mystical, religious aspect – its romanticism…and on top of that, he just parrots other people.

Only someone who has known the “other side” of the psychological lines, commiserating among those who wish to tear civilizations and their institutions down from within, can write with such creative specificity.

But again, Dostoevsky’s strength remains the predictive quality of his novels. He identified the strategies the Left would use in the 20th century and their final destinations. Three of these nightmare prophecies stand out: the war on the family, the replacement of old theistic religions for a new (thoroughly secular) one, and the extermination of millions of citizens on behalf of Before our philosophy of life develops, before our religious worldview forms, before our political convictions solidify — there exists the family. Dostoevsky’s novels and short stories are packed with familial themes because, apart from his later Christian faith, his experiences as a child and young adult had profound and lasting consequences — just as they do for all of us.

Generational Sins: The War on the Family

But where Dostoevsky’s study of the institution of the family and its relation to society and politics goes from “some fairly obvious observations” to “a wealth of discerning insights” comes in just how much importance for almost everything he places at the feet of the family. His respect for this sacred institution only increased with age as he began to comprehend progressives’ militant disdain for the family, for marriage, and for any other type of education save the kind they — the revolutionaries who would one day rule the nation — provided. Consequently, Dostoevsky’s later books, such as “The Adolescent”, “Brothers”, and
Devils”, focus on these themes with characters overwhelmed by their family’s past.

In “Devils”, the character Peter Verkhovensky poses as a beguiling and well-connected socialist dissident. We learn that his father, a former professor named Stepan Trofimovich, abandoned him as a child to be raised by intellectuals at various academies and universities. Peter’s odd choice of his own home province in the Russian countryside for the site of a cultural coup suddenly makes more sense: he wants to make his dad and those in the community suffer and feel humiliation. He craves payback for a miserable childhood. (Sounding more like Obama?) And what better way than to pose as a “man of the people” who is simply trying to overthrow greedy capitalists and oppressive religious traditions?

The reality: Stepan Trofimovich did in fact abandon his son. And the seeds of skepticism and rebellion against authority that Stepan’s generation had sown appeared fully realized in their offspring.

The results were disastrous. Just as they are in any culture where abdication of the primal duty to take care of your own children is tolerated (or worse still, encouraged). ( Take a look at our liberal views on sex just because it feels good, our welfare system and the current government stance on abortion. Remember that Obama was quoted as saying “I would not want to see my daughters punished with a baby”, as he promoted abortion.) Because Stepan Stepan Trofimovich disregarded his family, consequently his son grew up to want to destroy everyone else’s.

But the attack on the family, and the exploitation of the difficult or disillusioned childhoods many young people in 1870s Russia experienced, was not enough. Progressives knew this, and so did Dostoevsky. For even in the worst of circumstances, in the most broken of homes, faith still endured in the hearts of many Russians. Like Alyosha, the saintly youngest brother in Brothers Karamazov, the spiritual convictions of millions in Mother Russia would not die only through the undermining of the family. Something bigger had to be done. Someone bigger had to go.

They needed to murder God.

2) Militant Atheism: The War on God

Socialism, the economic and political theory that advocates for the state to control the means of production and oversee the distribution of resources, was relatively new back in Fyodor’s day, and the assumption among small groups of intellectuals from Moscow to Mexico was that it would inevitably become the way all countries ran their governments, societies, and economies. Dostoevsky not only believed the sincerity in their beliefs, but that their convictions would win out in nations around the globe to cause unprecedented suffering before collapsing under the weight of internal contradictions and weaknesses.

Dostoevsky held that the inherent weakness of the Utopian visions of socialism was a rejection of God and the institution of the family. He saw that for the Left, their politics became their religion. The members of the progressive-Left were demanding that standards of Judeo-Christian morality be replaced with new (arbitrary) standards handed down from central councils and planning committees.

Dostoevsky wrote the following description of the youngest Karamazov brother Alyosha in “The Brothers Karamazov”:

The path he chose was a path going in the opposite direction of many his age, but he chose it with the same thirst for swift achievement. As soon as he reflected seriously on it, he was convinced and convicted of the existence of God and of the immortality of the soul, and at once he instinctively said to himself: “I want to live for immortality with Him and I will accept no compromise.”

In the same way, if he had decided that God and immortality did not exist, he would at once have become an atheist and socialist. For socialism is not merely the labor question, but it is before all things the atheistic question, the question of the form taken by atheism today. It is the question of the tower of Babel built without God, not to mount to Heaven from earth but to set up Heaven on earth.

Dostoevsky believed that if even religious nations could commit heinous acts, a secular state would be capable of unspeakable atrocities.

As Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn would later put it: “A great disaster had befallen Russia: Men have forgotten God; that’s why all this has happened.”

3) Genocide: The War on Man

The unspeakable acts of Adolf Hitler’s Nazis pale in comparison to the horrors committed by the communists in the former Union of Soviet Socialist Republics and the People’s Republic of China. Between 1917 and 1987, Vladimir Lenin, Josef Stalin and their successors murdered and were otherwise responsible for the deaths of 62 million of their own people. Between 1949 and 1987, China’s communists, led by Mao Zedong and his successors, murdered and were otherwise responsible for the deaths of 76 million Chinese. The most authoritative tally of history’s most murderous regimes is documented on University of Hawaii Professor Rudolph J. Rummel’s website and in his book “Death by Government.”

The numbers involved stagger the mind. We must shine a spotlight on a truth our modern education system has failed to teach American students: these were all secular, socialist nations that began under the auspices of such lofty-sounding goals as “a workers’ paradise” and “the peoples’ republic.”

Like lambs to the slaughter, millions went simply because dutiful bureaucrats and foot soldiers carried out the orders of philosopher-kings who were ready to sacrifice humanity for the sake of their “rational” and “progressive” and “scientific” system of governance.

And yet this nightmare did not begin to play itself out until a few decades into the 20th century. Some fifty years earlier, a Russian novelist by the name of Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky conceived of characters such as the social theorist “Shigalov” in “The Devils” who announced to the inner circle of socialist revolutionaries he belonged to the logical long-term plan for ruling the people once the czar was toppled:

Dedicating my energies to the study of the social organisation which is in the future to replace the present condition of things, I’ve come to the conviction that all makers of social systems from ancient times up to the present year, 187-, have been dreamers, tellers of fairy-tales, fools who contradicted themselves, who understood nothing of natural science and the strange animal called man…

I suggest as a final solution of the question the division of mankind into two unequal parts. One-tenth enjoys absolute liberty and unbounded power over the other nine-tenths. The others have to give up all individuality and become, so to speak, a herd, and, through boundless submission, will by a series of regenerations attain primeval innocence, something like the Garden of Eden. They’ll have to work, however. The measures I propose for depriving nine-tenths of mankind of their freedom and transforming them into a herd through the education of whole generations are very remarkable, founded on the facts of nature and highly logical.

To this, the aforementioned ringleader Peter Verkhovensky responds:

“However much you tinker with the world, you can’t make a good job of it, but by cutting off a hundred million heads and so lightening one’s burden, one can jump over the ditch of transforming society more safely. … It’s a new religion, my good friend, coming to take the place of the old one. That’s why so many fighters come forward, and it’s a big movement…

I ask you which you prefer: the slow way, which consists in the composition of socialistic romances and the academic ordering of the destinies of humanity a thousand years hence, while despotism will swallow the savory morsels which would almost fly into your mouths of themselves if you’d take a little trouble; or do you, whatever it may imply, prefer a quicker way which will at last untie your hands, and will let humanity make its own social organisation in freedom and in action, not on paper? They shout “cut off a hundred million heads”; that may be only a metaphor; but why be afraid of it if, with the slow day-dream on paper, despotism in the course of some hundred years will devour not a hundred but five hundred million heads?

What’s one-to-five-hundred million “heads” among friends, right?”

Again, keep in mind Dostoevsky penned these words in 1872. Great evils like tyrannical monarchies and human slave-trafficking had existed on planet earth since time began, but this devious mixture of both with a calculated and cavalier attitude toward human life startled those in the 19th century like Dostoevsky who first heard the schemes of the original community organizers (and had the good sense to believe that they’d carry out their plans should they ever.

It’s very difficult for the current 18 to 35 demographic (and in some cases in the 40-50 as well)  to grasp just how much suffering and death and oppression took place in the 20th century. We do not receive a comprehensive version of history in our public schools and institutions of higher education that might shed critical light on ideologies many in academia support. And to be sure, we can’t count on Hollywood and the entertainment industry to pick up any such slack in the culture.

But this matters. Ideas have consequences. Tens of millions died in the last century because of evil ideas.

And if an epileptic, compulsive-gambling, ex-convict in Russia about 150 years ago could so accurately peer into the murky future to warn us, the least we can do is simply turn around to take in the much clearer

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

http://westfieldrepublican.com/page/content.detail/id/519523/Former-Westfield-resident-publishes-her-third-book-of-poetry.html#.UNHXq__xEOs.facebook

Thank you for the Westfield Republican/Mayville Sentinel for their recent Interview/Press release of my third book  Dancing With The Spirits of Shadowplay.

The book has been off to a slow start but is now selling well.  New designs for T-shirts etc can be found at my website shadowsoflove.com   

Contests are forthcoming for chances to win a copy of the book, t-shirts, coffee mugs etc.

Thank you and Happy Reading.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

PRESTIGE FINANCIAL AND EARNHARDT DODGE:


Well everything that is all over the Internet about a car loan company called Prestige Financial is apparently true...  I traded in my  2005 Jeep Liberty  IN on December 4th, informed Prestige of  this, sent them copies of emails from the car dealership showing that they had power of attorney over the vehicle and that the loan had been processed and would be paid off in full by Earnhardt and the new loan company. Now Prestige is demanding payment from me (the loan on the vehicle is not even a week past due and I no longer own the Jeep)  and contacting friends and family saying they need to talk to me right away... 

I am meeting with an attorney at 10:00 am to see what I can do to stop this thuggery tactics and their apparent attempt at ruining my credit and my reputation. 

The car dealership who assured me that they would handle this, are NOT handling it.  What a damn mess!  I have purchased vehicles from Earnhardts before and NEVER got this run around.  Believe me, I will never purchase another vehicle from them and will tell everyone else to stay away from them.  This has just destroyed the holidays for me and now friends and family are being harassed.


Thursday, November 15, 2012





FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Bonnie M Pike
bonnie.pike@hotmail.com



“DANCING WITH THE SPIRITS OF SHADOWPLAY”

written by Bonnie Breuilly=Pike and illustrated by T.L. Fernow

Poet/writer Bonnie (Breuilly) Pike has experienced the extreme high and lows of life; and has shared those same facets with others as they walk their own journeys.. Now she taps those experiences in her third full length book of poetry; “Dancing With The Spirit of Shadowplay” The book, divided into 7 distinct sections, follows life through love, family, friendship, loss, illness, and grief.  Utilizing the magic and mystery of the desert mountains, canyons, rivers, and sky she has come to love, she weaves a spell of longing, hope,, laughter, and love.

Writing poetry comes as naturally to Bonnie as taking that first breath of fresh morning air comes to the rest of us. While a teenager in Albion, New York she had her first poems published as a chapbook, “A Teenager’s Thoughts on Life”, after a teacher submitted her manuscript to a competition.  While living in Pensacola, Florida. where her late husband Douglas James Pike. a career Navy man, was stationed, she became an active member of the West Florida Literary Federation ; participating in the Back Door Poets, The Readers Showcase (which she produced and directed for one year), The Pen Wise Poets, and holding a position on the Board of Directors.  She has been featured in:  “The Emerald Coast Review”, “The Poets Voice”, “The Panhandler”, “Home Life” “Amelia” and “The Back Door Poet’s Chapbook.

In October of 2002, Bonnie published her first full book of poetry titled “Survive The Shadowstalker; A Poetic Journey Through Abuse”. The poems that grace the pages of this book detail not only the personal survival of abuse, but of the tragedy of abuse suffered from the blind hand of illness, rape, war, and loneliness.

In February of 2011. Bonnie released her second full book of poetry titled” Shadows of Love”. In the pages of this book she touches on every aspect of love, from the familial to the platonic, from the erotic to the subdued.

Bonnie possess the unique gift of being able to put down on paper a feeling or thought that everyone us might have had at one time or another, She will not only touch your heart but she will have you pull it out and touch it as well; to feel its warmth; to feel its aches.  She will touch the deepest part of your soul.

Do you want to come and play, and dance, and dream? Then meet Bonnie at the foot of the Superstition Mountain, just off the Apache Trail, in Mesa, Arizona, and she will show you the way . . . join her in The Dance of Shadowplay.
 
 
 
Available through Amazon.com, all major book stores and via Kindle and Nook.
 
 

 

 

 

Friday, October 5, 2012

Obama Care summed up in One sentence.

This wonderful, accomplished, highly intelligent, female Doctor sums up Obama care in One Sentence...

  http://youtu.be/vdnY8r7_fLw

Oh and you young liberal women out there who want the "rights over you own body" ?  Here is MY answer to you.  Be responsible and say no to your own sexual urges. Put your big girl panties on and stop whining.  Don't have sex if you don't want to get pregnant and then if you do, don't think YOU rights supercede those of that unborn child.  Abortion is MURDER no matter how you look at it UNLESS it is meant to save a life. 

My rant is done.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

FAILURE OR SUCCESS?   GOD WILL JUDGE BUT I KNOW I TRIED

Have any of you ever asked the question; Why me? I think, if we are all honest with ourselves, we will admit that we have, at least once in our lives, raised our eyes heaven word and said similar words; “Why me?” A few years ago, when my daughter and I were so very close, she once said out loud that question I had never asked, when we learned I was facing breast cancer for the second time… “why you, Mom?”

 On that particular day, I turned to my daughter and asked her “why not me?” I have always held this believe that those who are ill, or suffer deformities, or are set with non- stop challenges in life were handpicked by God to have this painful illness, condition or circumstance. Some people would tell me I am wrong or insane. But, what If I told you that your pain might take away someone else's pain in the world?" What if your pain (my pain) could actually be used for a good and noble purpose. Can you, my dear reader, let yourself believe such a thing is possible? The truth is, we know nothing about life. It is, and always will be, a mystery. Anything is possible.

As I was faced with somewhat negative news yesterday from my oncologist, I had to fall back on this deep belief of mine to not ask “Why me?” because, boy do I sure want to.  The very idea that pain could have a positive result in the world, that it was not at all useless, and that I might be able to take away someone else's pain, however, inspired me deeply and completely reframed my relationship to my illness again. It it also one of the reasons I have returned to a long held decision to have my body donated to science when I die. I want the chance to help that other person.

Where would this person be? Could it be a little girl in China? Could it be that young mother who has been given the task of raising a child with down’s syndrome, cerebral palsy, or autism? Could it be that older woman, now living alone and fearing the specter of death who is always our constant companion?  The truth is, it does not matter who the person would be, because eventually, in some way, the whole world will benefit. This has been an epiphany I will embrace forever; how about you?

Please do not consider me some kind of saint as it truly has taken me years to fully understand the scope of the idea I have just suggested you and in many areas I am still filled with doubt and fear. However, I feel could never write in the compassionate, sometimes intense way that some say I do, had I not suffered myself during most of my life. My books, although not best sellers (poetry rarely is) have sold decently and have been translated into German and French and can be ordered from book stores around the world.

As a mother I endeavored to teach my children not only reading (the classics of course), science, math, and history; but also philosophy and religion. Mostly I tried to teach them how to communicate clearly and well as I was concerned not only about saying the wrong thing, but also about saying the right thing the wrong way - and hence, leaving the wrong impression; which to me is just as bad. I have not always succeeded in this endeavor but I most certainly have tried, so very hard.

I also hope that I have taught my children, and others I helped raise, the essence of love. My love for my beloved Doug survives his death almost two decades ago. Just as in the bitter-sweet animated movie “Up”, I too sit in my chair late at night and talk with Doug about my day and my fears. I sit with him on the patio, aching to reach out, hold his hand, and share the quiet of the stars and the chimnea. I always think, at the end of a work day, of how I need to get home to cook, clean, set the table, and prepare a meal for my husband and my family. When I do remember dreams, they are always of him or the children or Jessica. My conversations with my Doug sometimes have centered on a world event, the motions of the stock market, or about the new law that is coming before Congress. (As those who know me well, I have a passion for politics and a strong sense of morality). At other times, I talk to him about  our four grandchildren or other family members. It is my way of digesting the things I have heard and serve the purpose of remaining close to my husband. When I walk the desert, even with Tom or Jessica… Doug also walked with me and the first time I saw the Grand Canyon… over 7 years after he left this earth… on of all days his Birthday… I saw it with him. We had always wanted to go there together. But you know what? We did. He goes every where with me.

  This “eccentric behavior”, is my mysterious window to the unknown, a way of reaching Doug on a daily basis. We know so little of life, why we are here and what we must do while we are here. The ways of life are mysterious, and I would like to remind each of you now reading this blog that we were ONLY soldiers of the Creator, awaiting our next assignment. Nothing for us is permanent and there is no guarantee of tomorrow. Therefore, I will encourage each of you to take some private time and meditate on why you feel you were born and how you can make your best contribution to the world, on a little or big scale. One is not necessarily better than the other.

Although I have never sought fame of any kind, I know I did strive to be the best person I could be and to give my all to my family and friends. Some may say I failed. I guess God will eventually let me know the truth of all of this. Did I really accomplish anything? I hope so. I know I, personally, tried to live my life generously and show my children that we could always give to others, even when we had very little of our own to give. When Doug and I heard of someone in the neighborhood who needed food, clothing, or a place to stay, or just someone to lean on, we would stretch our very slim budget to help them out as well. The house was almost never empty and the table always full.

I did try to give each of my children the most precious gift a mother has to give - unconditional love and her full attention. While they were growing up, despite what their teenage minds may sometimes have told them, they really were the center of my world. My friends and extended family would sometimes tell me that I invested too much of myself in them and, I don’t know, maybe they are right. For hard as I try to let them go today, with each of them now in their 30s… I ache so very much for each of them and just can’t seem to bond closely with others. I did try to make their childhood wonderful. I taught them crafts, and music, and dance. For the boys I ran cub scouts and 4-H and walked them to Karate, and baseball, and basketball. For my girl, I ran 4-H, sewed costumes, and walked her to ballet and karate… I tried to give elaborate birthday parties, until the money ran out, and even sold my belonging to give the best Christmas’s we could give them. We had an open door policy and their friends were always in and out almost any time of day.

We were not rich, but I always felt we were rich in other ways, with the positive, strong family I thought I had created. Again, I guess God will tell me the truth of my endeavors. Was I any kind of a success, or was I a vapid failure?

I think I will end my walk down memory lane with a message to my children, family, friends, and yes, you too dear reader: I love you as high as the sky, as wide as the world, and as deep as the ocean; and I always will. Forgive me, if I did not do the job I so intended and tried to do… but I did it all with love.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Shadows of Growth and Miracles: Far Too Long Away...

Shadows of Growth and Miracles: Far Too Long Away...: It has been quite some time since I have had the chance or the inspiration to add to this blog. Life has a way of intruding on those th...

Far Too Long Away...



It has been quite some time since I have had the chance or the inspiration to add to this blog. Life has a way of intruding on those things we enjoy and forcing us to pay attention to the needs of daily life and survival; and given our current political, social, and economic climate, that need has become painfully difficult and increasingly necessary.



I left a full time (low paying positin) with ACS when they transferred their employees back to Apollo Group. My own political and social mores just would not allow me to remain there any longer. I signed on with Aerotek who found me a contract position with Honeywell in Tempe (a company I have been trying to get my foot in the door with for about 10 years). It was a short contract but I can state, emphatically, that I have not been so happy working since I was caught up in the second wave of layoffs at Qwest back in 2006. Although the manager had tried to keep me longer, they could not get any additional funding and so my contract has ended and I am, once again, staring at that grave and fearful spectre known as unemployment. I am scared to death!



The battle with the Thyroid Cancer which began in July of 2011 has been extremely difficult. The breast cancer remains at Stage 3 (thankfully), the skin melanoma comes back to bite me in the ass from time to time, and now they have found a mass on my liver and a large cyst on my right kidney. I am heading in for surgery on the kidney this Friday and later that same day for a pet scan of the liver as they do NOT want to cut into that until we know with more certainty whether or not this will prove to be cancer or not. Should the pet scan indicate cancer, I will not allow any surgery... it would just be too risky.



I am completing the final editing process on my last book in the Shadowplay Series which will be called "Danding With The Spirits of Shadowplay". I am extremely pleased with this book which contains many wonderful new poems and some prosody, as well as poems from the previous two books "Survive The Shadow Stalker" and Shadows of Love. This book will also contain a short story by an up and coming writer/friend of mine; Gary Lemcke AND the lyrics from a song written by singer/songwriter/poet James John Pike III. Some wonderful photography of my beloved desert can also be found. We expect to see the book hit the shelves (virtual shelves) at Amazon, Barnes and Nobles, Books a Million etc... as well as Kindle.



I sent my beloved Merriweather to the Rainbow Bridge on January 27, 2012. This faithful, loving nana dog, who saw me through the loss of my husband, the loss of my home in Chandler, the prolonged battle for custody of my granddaughter who now is safely and permanently in the care of her beloved mother, cancer, surgeries, epilepsy, MS, and family upheaval, ironically developed cancer in a mammary gland. I miss her so...



With the help of my youngest son, I got to spend almost two hours of my birthday with my beloved Jessica. It had been almost two years since I had last seen her, hugged her, or just talked to her. When she walked through my front door, I could not believe how grown up she was (she turned 14 this August) and I could not stop hugging her or crying or telling her how much I missed her. I am not sure if or when I shall see her again, but at least she knows I love her... have never chosen NOT to be with her... and love her always.



I adopted a new dog, Ranger, at 6 weeks of age. He is a full blooded German Shepherd who has become a wonderful companion to me and who actually put a little life in to Angel Heart who mourned her sister greatly. Ranger likes to go hiking with me as well so I no longer have to hike alone any more.

I worked and wandered the Healing Fields in Tempe, AZ on September 11, 2012, this time with Tom at my side. He was so quiet and thoughtful as we wandered through the sea of almost 3,000 flags, one for each life lost during that fateful attack on the World Trade Center 11 years ago. Then I sent him back home to undergo more tests and treatment for his own battle with cancer.



With Ranger at my side, I did the 5K walk for Prostate Cancer at Kiwanis Park in Tempe on Sept 22, 2012. This was my fourth year making the walk. In November, I will make my 7th walk for Stride for the Cure at Tempe Town Lake.



I have been able to spend a little more time with my younger grandchildren, James C, Zavier, and Shy... but health and energy keep me from doing all of the things I would so love to do with them. I did get to see Zavier play his Bass (cello) at school last spring AND he even played slap bass; as I love Jazz so much I thought this was WONDERFUL.



The job hunt is on in earnest and I desperately need to find one quickly; age and time seem to be against me but I remain hopeful. I go for outpatient surgery this Friday. Ranger and I will pick up hiking again once this cyst is off of my kidney. Work on the book is supposed to be completed by end of this month (providing the about the author and the short story contributor gets it all back to me on time), Tom will return (weather and health providing) in late November.



I will be casting my vote in November against the man I have campaigned hard against and have been terrified of since 2007... in the hopes that this great country of ours can be saved from communism before it is really too late for my children and grandchildren. I can only pray.



I will not be baking and cooking anymore for the holidays for several reasons; my health the first, finances second, and the sad family issues that remain ongoing. It just makes me too sad now to try to pretend. I will, however, probably head up north for Thanksgiving... and Christmas, if I am employed and the doctors okay it, may actually find me flying to New York to visit brothers and sisters that were kept from me far too long. That's a little far ahead for me right now.. .more a dream than a plan.



As I have a little more time on my hands, I will return to writing here more frequently again and I have an adult book in mind as well as a children's book in mind.. so I shall let the writing flow.



With that said, dear readers, I think I will climb into my Jeep and head out to a stationary store to buy some fancy pens and writing tablets.



Blessed be. Stay well.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Shadows of Growth and Miracles: "No turmpets sounds when important decisions are m...

Shadows of Growth and Miracles: "No turmpets sounds when important decisions are m...: I have made a habit over the course of these last many years to spend my New Years Eve and day in quiet reflection. I have learned that the...

"No turmpets sounds when important decisions are made in our life."


I have made a habit over the course of these last many years to spend my New Years Eve and day in quiet reflection. I have learned that there are years that ask questions and there are years that provide answers. 2011 provided me with answers, some I did not care for (most actually) but all opened my eyes to the realities of my life and what I have meant or not meant in the scheme of things. Through these revelations I had truly had an epiphany and am now adding the gratitude of an awakening heart to my nightly ritual of writing down five things I am grateful for.

I realized this morning that I was/am emotionally and physically exhausted from concentrating on things that I wanted to buy for others, for the house or just for me. Things I longed to buy or give, but due to the current economy and my own excessive medical bills, I cannot afford. I felt trapped in a vicious cycle. You see, the more I focused on the lack and on what I could not have (and this includes family as well as material things) the more depressed I became. The more depressed I became the more I focused on the loss and the lack. What my soul was whispering was that what I really yearned for was NOT financial or emotional security but financial and emotional serenity. Today, I was quiet enough to listen to my soul... to that Supreme being trying to show me the open door. What I hunger for is an inner peace that the world can not take away. Therefore, I asked for help and committed to following wheresoever the Universe leads me.

For the first time in my life I discarded my five-year goals I learned to make when I was working towards my Business Administration degree and simply surrender. I want to be a seeker, a pilgrim, and a sojourner.

Deciding to surrender my desire for security and seeking serenity instead, I looked at my life with open/honest eyes. I saw that I had much for which to be grateful. I felt humbled by my riches and regretted that I took for granted the abundance that already existed in my life. How could I or any one else for that matter, expect more from the Universe when I (we) did not appreciate what I already had.

So today, I took inventory of my life's assets: my health is not the best but I am still beating the odds and still here which leaves me open for choice and chance. I have a beautiful daughter and two sons who are making their way in the world, oft times through difficult times and even though we are currently estranged... I love them and am grateful that God allowed me to hold them for a little while. I have a small but comfortable place to live and a great landlord, wonderful neighbors and the laughter of children. I have the memories of 12 years with Jessica and of sharing so many wonderful times with her and I know she has those as well, I have two precious little dogs who daily bring me faithful companionship and joy. I have enough food (most of the time) and cool fresh water. I have a job which allows me to maintain my needs and that is truly all any one needs. And I have been blessed by the love of two wonderful men.. My Doug and Tom. Add to that the blessings of so many wonderful friends who care deeply for me and share in my life as I care about them and share in theirs.

I am still working on this list today and it continues to grow. I have written a new book of poetry which soon will be sent out into the world and hopefully will be well received. Many people have already told me that my writing touches their souls in some way and helps them feel or heal. I truly do believe that what you give to the world will be returned to you -- maybe not all at once or in the way you expect it -- but if I and you give our very very best, the very best must and will come back to us. Now!, not next week, next month, or when things improve, is the time for me to live my beliefs.

Looking at my life's ledger I realize that I am and always will be a very rich woman. What I and so many of us are currently experiencing is merely a cash flow problem, or a misunderstanding that love, patience, and time will heal.. I have come to the realization that my personal net worth cannot be determined by the size of my checking account balance... neither can anyone's

So now, my heart overflows with gratefulness. I am thankful for so many little, precious things. The sweet smell of the Harvest Apple candle burning on my living room table, the memory of the sweet fragrance of Jessicas hair after it was freshly washed and I combed it out for her. My first sip of flavored coffee this morning, the smoked turkey and all the trimmings dinner I made for friends on Christmas Day. I am grateful for being able to hear the words I love you before I went to sleep when my Jessie was here, my children were little, and as I curled up next to Doug as we went to sleep.

Each day offers me moments of pleasure and contentment... it does so for you as well. The important thing is for each of us to notice and appreciate each days gifts.. after all that is why it is called the present.

So today I ask each of you to open the eyes of your eyes and give your life another glance. Are your basic needs met? (mine are). Do you have a home? Food on the table? Clothes to wear? Is there a regular paycheck coming in? Do you have dreams? Can you walk, talk, see the beauty that surrounds you, listen to music that stirs your soul or makes your feet want to dance? Do you have family and friends whom you love and whom you know, deep down love you?

Then pause for a moment with me and with me give thanks. Let your heart awaken to the tranforming power of gratefulness. Be open to exchanigng your need for emotional and financial security for serenity.

Agnes De Mille once wrote "No turmpets sounds when important decisions are made in our life."

"Destiny is made known silently"

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a simple meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for our present and creates dreams for tomorrow.

Sweet dreams my friends.